Every season, the Drama After Dark team gathers ‘round the conference room table to watch the latest and greatest in British dramas. This summer, we’re incredibly excited to bring you coverage of MASTERPIECE’s new show Beecham House. Beecham is a delight: sensual and sumptuous, it features an attractive and diverse cast, a historical setting that encourages reflection, and absolutely to-die-for costumes. I’m here to recap the season as it happens just in case you, dear reader, miss an episode and haven’t yet been able to catch up on WGBH Passport.

What do you do after you reveal your biggest secret, potentially putting your baby in danger and pushing away a cute gal you’re kind of into? Well if you’re JB, you find a secluded spot to sit where you can be backlit by the sunset. It’s almost as if he’s predicting the rise of the Instagram influencer about 200 years early, and frankly, it works.

Back at the house, Maya gets to wake up to the lovely sound of her roommate Chanchal barfing. I think we all know where this is going! In less troubling news, Chandrika and JB seem to be building a sibling relationship that looks like it might give them both some comfort. Having the secret out in the open has at least made the two of them a little less weird and broody, which makes sense, and as a viewer, is a big relief, not that I think it'll last.

Chandrika: Glad you could tell everyone, it’s honestly a bit of a relief.
JB: Yeah, and even Ozzy said she understood so…
Chandrika, proving that I completely misread the vibe a few seconds ago: And I’m assuming you get it too now? Duty is more important than happiness, we have to get married for the benefit of the family. I’m not that into it either but I’ll be a solid partner. And my dad will approve, obviously.
JB: Look, you’re a badass, but you’re terrifying. I thought I’d die with your sister, and I’m only here because of August. And then surprise surprise, I actually still am capable of emotions, which I know thanks to Ozzy. I know you don’t get it, but I really care about Ozzy, and you deserve to have love too!
Chandrika: You’ve insulted me, and my family, and especially my sister’s memory! NOT COOL, DUDE. I know you think you’re woke because you’ve been living in India for a long time, but you still don’t get some pretty critical things about our culture. And now I’m taking the baby and STORMING OFF.

No time for JB to apologize or to pout; Mom Beecham is here and she’s hoping JB can use his position as a rich white guy to save the day vis a vis Brother Beecham’s marching orders.

Brother Beecham: JB’s not the boss of me, mom, and I have orders.
Mom Beecham: Please stop him, we’re lucky he hasn’t died already!
JB: Look, I told him he should stay! It’s risky to go back, there’s a war brewing.
Brother Beecham: Yeah, a war you’re helping to finance! Did you sell that rock yet btw?
Mom Beecham: Uh, what diamond? And how is it going to hurt my baby boy?
JB: Low blow bringing mom into this, kid. But ignoring the diamond, let’s talk about a more pressing issue: did you at least had a real conversation with Chanchal?
Brother Beecham: She doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.
Mom Beecham, suddenly and randomly caring about someone else: That poor girl.
Brother Beecham, saying what we all think: TBH, she deserves someone better than me, so.
JB: Stay here! Join my business, girls love businessmen!
Brother Beecham: Sincerely, thank you for offering, and someday I might say yes. But, alas,

A man shakes his head at a little girl and says "Not today."

JB: Ok, well, I have to go visit Ozzy. Toodles, bro: stay safe, and remember you can always come crash here.

Upstairs, Chanchal still looks like crap. She’s curled up in bed, and Maya shushes Ram Lal, then asks him for help dealing with the situation. Outside, JB rides over to Murad Beg’s house for a chat, not with Ozzy, but with the man himself.

Murad Beg: Wow, nice to actually see you for once, man.
JB: Yeah, sorry to drop in unannounced like this but I really need to talk to Ozzy urgently.
Murad Beg: LOL didn’t you know? She left this morning.

Slow zoom on a sad looking man, captioned "hello darkness my old friend" with musical notes

Where did she go?

Murad Beg: She took a teaching job in Meerut for Begum Samru!

Back at the house, things are getting even more awkward with this Chanchal situation.

Baadal: Hey, you didn’t eat your breakfast!
Chanchal: I don’t feel well, please read between the lines and let me barf in peace?
Baadal: Yeah but you didn’t eat yesterday either, I’m worried about you!
Chanchal: You’re such a sweet person, but please just stop. Leave me alone.

Brother Beecham watches this whole thing go down, like a weirdo. Chanchal makes her escape, and he walks out to talk to Baadal. It’s… awkward.

Brother Beecham: Hey, uh. Thank you. For looking after her. Follow me!
Baadal: Oh boy, I really don’t want to!
Brother Beecham: Here, take my sarod: it’s better in your hands than mine.

Aw, that actually was sweet, and clearly the right thing to do. Baadal is delighted, and apparently already knows how to play. Chanchal hears the music and it makes her feel well enough to get out of bed. Baadal very much manages to look cool while playing in a way that Brother Beecham did not, and yes, it’s noted by Chanchal. Also listening in are Brother Beecham and Mom Beecham.

Mom Beecham, has jokes: Oh, so that’s how it’s supposed to sound!
Brother Beecham: Harsh, but fair.
Mom Beecham, much less amusing: Well, you may be going off to get shot at, but at least you’ll forget about the maid.

Reader, based on the dawning comprehension on Brother Beecham’s face, I’m not sure he will. Is this when he realizes he might actually have the capacity for feelings? Apparently not, because instead of apologizing to Chanchal, he packs his knives and goes. Speaking of ill-advised Beecham schemes, JB is out in the courtyard, saddling up a horse. Why? I have to assume to hare off after Ozzy, but who knows. Before he can leave, the annoying Captain Sideburns butts in.

Captain Sideburns: Hey pal! Great news, I found a bunch of buyers for the diamond in Lucknow, and I definitely didn’t sell you out to the Emperor via Castillon!
JB: Seems like a weird detail to include, but great! I’m also jazzed about this diamond-selling project, but I have an urgent thing to deal with so I’m gonna jet, but TTYL!
Captain Sideburns: Neato! I’ll go skulk around inside, bye!
JB: Ram Lal! Hurry up, I have to go chase Ozzy by horse because airports haven’t been invented yet so I can’t go there and mysteriously bypass the ridiculous security theater that is the TSA to fulfill my romantic comedy destiny.
Ram Lal: Ok, whatever, I don't have time to unpack that right now. I know you don’t want to hear this but I need to tell you something that’s kind of a bummer re: my coworker.

OH BOY it’s happening: JB stalks back into the house, and before Brother Beecham can finish his “oh hey bro”, JB punches him right in the face, exactly as he deserves.

Baadal, watching from a few feet away:

A boy says "it's happening isn't it?" and smiles

Mom Beecham, upstairs: Stop attacking your brother!
Brother Beecham: What the hell is that for?
Chanchal and everyone else watching from the balcony:

A group of children gasp

JB: I am so sick of your selfish crap!
Brother Beecham: Literally what are you talking about?
JB, in front of everyone:

Maury Povich says "You are the father"

Brother Beecham, who apparently didn’t take sex ed in school: Impossible!

Slow zoom on a sad looking man, captioned "hello darkness my old friend" with musical notes

JB: You can’t go back to the company, you have responsibilities now.
Brother Beecham: Well even if it’s my kid, there are ways to deal with that.

Ok, Brother Beecham, did you really just try to imply that Chanchal was with anyone else? I know you’re trying out for the role of biggest cad alive, but what the hell, man? JB apparently agrees with my assessment, because he bodies his brother again. Y’all, it’s on.

Brother Beecham: You should be better at fighting, you were in the army, too.
Mom Beecham, has a weird idea of how info is shared in the house: Violet, explain what’s happening!
PTF Violet, is admittedly good at exposition: Daniel got Chanchal pregnant.
Mom Beecham:

An animated older white lady gasps

Brother Beecham and JB: *grunting*
Mom Beecham: Stop fighting, you’re fancy boys not ruffians!
Me, as JB starts to come out on top:

A animated scene from the video game Mortal Kombat with the caption Finish Him!

Brother Beecham: What are you gonna do, kill me for ruining myself?
JB: You messed up, think carefully about what you do next because this is going to haunt you until you die.
Brother Beecham, sarcastically: You’re one to talk, model citizen.

Everyone breathes heavily. Chanchal leaves to go cry somewhere private. Oh, you thought that was all the drama we were getting today? We’re not even halfway through the episode, pal.

Random servant: Uh, JB? The literal army is outside.
Captain Sideburns:

A woman slowly smirks

JB and Ram Lal run outside just as Castillon, fully suited up, barges into the courtyard.

JB: Excuse you, what’s going on?
Castillon: JB, you’re under arrest for stealing the Emperor’s diamond.
JB: Everyone calm down, this is a big misunderstanding!
Captain Sideburns: wHaT iS tHe MeAnInG oF tHiS!?

Castillon, it seems, is just as eager to wail on Captain Sideburns as I am, and punches him several times to make the whole “we aren’t working together to betray JB” thing look convincing. Meanwhile, one of his guys runs inside and quickly locates the diamond. Obviously, this doesn’t look good.

Castillon, grandstanding: Voila, proof! JB is a thief and a traitor, and he’s under arrest for treason!
JB: This is completely untrue!
Castillon: Save it for the emperor. Castillon out!

The entire household starts yelling at Castillon to stop, like that’s gonna help. JB tells them to stay calm, since this is all a misunderstanding. The soldiers bundle him into a little barred carriage and ride off, while everyone else tries to figure out what the heck to do now.

I’ll give Castillon this: dude has always known how to make an entrance. He brings JB to Shah Alam, kicks out his knee, and swaggers over to return the diamond to Emperor Badass in one fluid movement. Yes, he's very hot and cool, but let’s not forget that he’s a bad guy just because he’s got a fun vibe — not only is he a jerk, but the French were just as eager to colonize every territory they could get their little mime hands on as the English.

Emperor Badass: Man, I gave you a chance against my better judgement and all my past experiences and you STOLE THIS DIAMOND.
JB: I didn’t steal it!
Emperor Badass: Then how did you get it?!

JB looks up and makes eye contact with Prince Akbar, who you might remember as the person who basically made JB take the diamond last week.

Prince Akbar:

A man gestures with his hand to say "no"

He’s… weirdly unsubtle about it for a person in a room packed with courtiers who are all watching this go down, and yet somehow, no one notices.

JB: I can’t tell you.
Emperor Badass: What, you don’t remember? My treasury has great security, so you must have had inside help. Who did it?!
Castillon: Say something!
JB, internally: Crap on a spatula.
Emperor Badass: Ok, that settles it. Castillon, make him talk, or keep him in jail until the rats eat him. I have to know how he got this diamond!

A man says YES!

They drag JB away, but not before he can wistfully look over his shoulder at Prince Akbar, who doesn’t do anything. Out in the courtyard, the Empress also sees this go down. The guards start shackling JB in a basement cell, and like all good baddies, Castillon uses this as an opportunity for a monologue.

Castillon: I’ve fought wars on three different continents.

A man says "what's your point?"

Castillon: From the first time I saw you I knew you were a lying liar! But I couldn’t prove it. Until now! What were you planning to do, fund the East India Company in Kannauj? I know you’ve been to the camp. Who’s helping you? Tell me!
JB: Shan't!

Castillon’s annoyed now, so he throws a notebook at JB’s head and tells him to write down a confession or stay in jail, before swanning out of there to polish his buttons and/or cross out all the times he doodled Mr. Benoit Castillon-Beecham on his Trapper Keeper. JB takes this newfound opportunity for solitude to collapse on the ground and panic.

Back at the house, Brother Beecham asks Ram Lal if they have any allies at the palace.

Ram Lal: Actually, that governess Ozzy from next door has pull with the Empress. JB was going after her this morning so we know where she’s headed.
Brother Beecham: Great, go get her!
Ram Lal: Hell yeah, solo road trip! Bye!
Mom Beecham: I just don’t get it, JB wouldn’t do that, right, Captain Sideburns, who I trust implicitly for some reason?
Captain Sideburns: Don’t you fret, I’ll have him out by tomorrow!
PTF Violet: You’re hurt, take it easy while we get a doctor!
Brother Beecham, across the room:

A woman's eyes narrow in a glare as the camera zooms in

Captain Sideburns: Thanks, but I’m fine.
Mom Beecham: Well I sure won’t be fine if anything happens to my boy!
Chandrika: Hey, so, I’m gonna jet, this is a bad situation. And I think I should take Agastya with me.
Mom Beecham: I’m sorry, you’re planning to take my grandson???
Chandrika: I know it hurts, but I have to protect him! This house isn’t safe anymore.
Brother Beecham, stepping up: JB is innocent, and I’m taking over for him — I get why you’re worried, but August is safer here than anywhere else. It’s his home!

She’s not happy about it, but Chandrika must decide she won’t win this argument, because she gets in her fancy carriage and heads back home. Upstairs, Mom Beecham opens up her secret drug stash and thinks long and hard about whether she should take the opium. Ultimately, she decides not to, and empties the bottle off the balcony. Good for her for quitting, but also, detoxing from opiates is no joke, and she really should do this under a doctor's supervision.

At the palace, Prince Akbar catches up with his mom, who tells him to BE COOL, DAMN.

Prince Akbar: Mom, Castillon has had it out for JB since he got here, and we just gave him an excuse. We have to do something!
Empress: And get your dad mad at us? No thanks. It’ll put our plans in jeopardy, and better JB than us.

Back at the house, Brother Beecham confronts Captain Sideburns.

Brother Beecham: SO… Castillon seemed to really enjoy arresting my brother, huh?
Captain Sideburns: Ugh, the French, am I right? They’re the worst, especially military ones. I’ll go to the fort and try to reason with him.
Brother Beecham: Awesome, cool plan, I’m coming with you. We both know the Prince asked JB to sell the diamond, and TBH, I just don’t trust you! For instance, how could Castillon know the diamond was here?
Captain Sideburns: Don’t question my methods; we’re on the same side.
Brother Beecham: Ugh, fine. But don’t come back without my brother.
Captain Sideburns: Oh, I won’t: pinkie swear!

Thankfully, Brother Beecham is a reckless scrub, but he isn’t a totally ninny: he follows Captain Sideburns, who stops by the marketplace to buy a gun on his way to the fort.

In his prison cell, JB gets bored and presumably decides to play MASH. JK, he uses the paper and pencil Castillon left behind to write a note to Ozzy. I’m slightly concerned that we’ve placed more faith in our governess friend than we ought, but hey — who am I to quetion Beyoncé?

Beyoncé sings "Who run the world? GIRLS"

Outside, Brother Beecham sees that Captain Sideburns has had an easy time getting into the fort. TOO easy. Brother Beecahm isn’t about to let a little thing like a bouncer stop him, so he steals a uniform, and uses his command of high school French to sneak in. Inside, JB’s guards make a big show of unchaining him and walking him out to the courtyard by way of those ominous gallows from earlier this season. But we're not stopping, because why intimidate someone with execution when you can beat him up? That's right, we're headed to the fighting pit, where maybe, just maybe, my longed for fisticuffs are about to go down. The guards sure are stripping off some of JB’s less relevant clothes as if a fight is in the offing!

Castillon: Hi. You’re refusing to cooperate, and you’ve disrespected me and the Emperor! Don’t try to be honorable and do something stupid! You don’t have the gravitas to pull off a Ned Stark moment!
JB: Look, as hot as it would be for the two of us to throw down, it’s beneath us! I won’t fight you!
Castillon: Oh LOL you sweet summer child. You’re not fighting me, you’re fighting my gaint friend Vijay that the recapper specifically mentioned in the context of fighting a few episodes ago! Unlike some other shows, we're not in the business of disappointing our pal Chekhov! Now, tell me who the traitor is, or this guy is going to literally tear you apart :)
JB: No thanks, I don’t want to.

JB might have made a huge mistake here. Vijay is, as I said before, HUGE, and a very good fighter. Evil Captain Sideburns seems to share my concerns — of course, he’s mad because HE wants to kill JB himself, so maybe he’ll intervene before Vijay actually gets JB in a chokehold. Before Sideburns can do anything, JB surprises us all by showing off some heretofore unseen fighting skills. Now before you all assume I’m some kind of bloodthirsty nightmare person, I should probably mention that when a pandemic isn’t keeping me away from the gym, I train in Krav Maga. I LOVE good fight choreography, and Beecham House did it right here: JB not only executed this shoulder throw well, but it was also a nice choice for an opponent who’s this much bigger than him. He should have then used the opportunity to attack Vijay while he was down, but apparently JB has decided to be honorable, like a nerd.

Captain Sideburns: Uh, what the hell man, I was gonna get to kill him!
Castillon: LOL what’s your problem?

Captain Sidebunrs SNAPS and runs in to put a knife at Vijay’s throat. Obviously, all the soldiers then pull out their guns. It’s... tense.

A man says "Boy, that escalated quickly."

Captain Sideburns: JB is an honorable man! This is bogus!
Castillon: Ugh, fine — drop your weapons. We’ll have to do this later. Put him back in jail.
Captain Sideburns: Hey, I don’t know what you’re doing, but we made a deal! I got us tickets on the next boat out of here, so I need you to give him up soon.
Castillon: Yeah, whatever: as soon as I get the info I need, you can have him!
Captain Sideburns: Alive, preferably?

Thankfully, my new favorite spy Brother Beecham heard the whole thing. He’s had enough messing around, and goes off to visit big brother’s cell.

JB: Ugh, please tell the general to bring me some real food?
Brother Beecham: I’d rather tell him something else that’s a little more relevant to your imprisonment, but whatever.
JB: What are you dong here??
Brother Beecham: Hey, I had to tell you what I just overheard — Captain Sideburns is working with Castillon. I’m not sure how, but he is.
JB: Ok, fine. Just take this note to Ozzy please.
Brother Beecham: Sure, why not. Ram Lal already went to get her. We’ll be back.

Did you forget the pregnancy B Plot in all the ruckus? I sure did! Unfortunately for Chanchal, the barfing is making it a little harder for HER to forget.

Maya: Have some ginger water, it’ll help.
Chanchal: I don’t want to eat anything, I want to die.
Maya: Everyone knows now — what will you do?
Chanchal: Ugh, cry!
Mom Beecham, who snuck up on everyone: Hi, good afternoon! How’s August?
Maya: He’s fine, what’s the deal with his dad?
Mom Beecham, again suddenly miraculously cured of being a racist mess: Heck if I know. Oof, Chanchal, you don't look so hot; sit down and rest.
Chanchal: Thanks, I guess? I'm not sure I buy this character development from you, but I'll take it.

On the road, Ram Lal catches up to Ozzy’s carriage. She’s obviously confused about what the hell he’s doing there. Later that night, Begum Samru hangs around being fabulous, as usual.

Begum Samru, talking to someone off screen: Glad you RSVPd yes, hot stuff: it’s been a while.
Castillon: Sure has, but you’re always there in my dreams.
Me: First of all, GASP, and second of all, ma’am, you can do better!
Begum Samru: I thought you’d be too busy interrogating the sexy JB. Way to prove your worth to the Emperor!
Me: Oh, is this a thing where you try to nab both of these guys since Ozzy ignored your threesome advice? Respect.
Castillion: He’s a traitor, and he’s in jail where he belongs. I’m loyal and should get praised for it!

They start making out. Back at Beecham House, Brother Beecham gets down to business. He knocks on Captain Sideburns’ door (no response) and then asks a passing Maya how Chanchal is doing. Maya’s words say “she’s sleeping; she hasn’t been well” but her tone and demeanor say “f*ck off, scrub; she deserves better.” Team Maya.

Back in the ladies quarters, we see that Chanchal is in even worse shape than before. She seems like she’s in a lot of pain. Maya tells her pain is part of having kids (and she’d know, because she has four) and that Brother Beecham isn’t going to be around to help.

Chanchal: I hate it here, I wish I could leave.
Maya: Well, we can’t; we have to take care of Agastya. Try and get some sleep kiddo.

Out in the courtyard, Rrother Beecham tries to bro down with Baadal. Somehow I feel ilke Baadal might finally snap, and you know what? Good for him!

Brother Beecham: Hey, I’m worried about Chanchal. She’s obviously really sick. And she won’t talk to me, but I want to help her.
Baadal: You can’t. She needs love, respect, and an honorable solution to her problem — how can you help with that?

Before Brother Beecham can respond, the guys are interrupted by Chanchal screaming. They run upstairs, and Maya tells them she’s been complaining of stomach pain all day, and Maya thinks she might have miscarried. Chanchal has a fever and is clearly not doing so hot.

Brother Beecham: What can I do?
Baadal: You can get out of here — we got this.

Once brother Beecham runs off, Baadal picks up Chanchal and tucks her into the carriage. It’s very sweet. Early the next morning, Ram Lal returns with Ozzy in tow.

Brother Beecham: Oh good, you’re here. JB is fine so far, he wanted you to have this note.
Ozzy: This is all so bad; I’ve been trying to figure out what's actually going on the entire ride back.
Brother Beecham: Yeah, it’s bad news. Also, just to make sure you’re filled in: friendship ended with Captain Sideburns, he’s a snake.
Ozzy: Really? You’re referencing a meme from 2015 AND you think we can’t trust JB’s close army buddy? Damn, Daniel.
Brother Beecham: Look, I can’t prove it, we just need to be careful.

Ozzy takes a few minutes to read her reverse Dear John letter. Here’s the precis: JB thinks he might die, and so he’s going to tell her, via the medium of a series of flashbacks, that he loves her, and that if he gets out of jail, he wants to be with her always. It’s pretty cute, but I won’t lie: I’m still not fully aboard the SS: Beechbourne (OzzBeech?). Sorry, shippers!

Much more interesting, at least in my opinion, is what’s happening with Baadal, who brought Chanchal to his parents house in the middle of the country. Baadal’s mom seems to know what to do vis a vis the misscarriage, even if she is a little judgey about the pregnancy.

Back in jail, JB gets a special visit from Prince Akbar.

JB: Oh thank god you’re here, I was getting worried.
Prince Akbar: Yeah, and I’m sorry you’re in jail. My mom doesn’t want to tell my dad the truth but I’m going to do it anyway… when the time is right. So, uh, get comfy I guess?

At Beecham House, poor Ozzy now gets to deal with Mom Beecham and PTF Violet. Weirdly, Mom Beecham has apparently decided to be pleasant to everyone now. Is it the magical combo of kicking her habit and facing the reality of her son being in jail? Is it the fact that her being a racist and all around jerk wasn't actually that interesting to watch? Who can say!

Mom Beecham: It's really nice of you to come back!
Ozzy: Well I had to try and help. You must be really upset.
Mom Beecham: I hope they realize their mistake and set him free soon.
Ozzy: Me too; I’ll do whatever I can!
Mom Beecham: Well, I’m going to go look in on August. See you kids at breakfast.

PTF Violet squares up. Yes, Ozzy so far has clearly bested her at every turn, but real winners never surrender.

Ozzy: Well, at least August has Chandrika here to comfort him.
PTF Violet: Oh, yeah, she left. One down, one to go.
Ozzy: Ok… why did she leave?
PTF Violet: No clue, I bet JB told her to.
Ozzy: Huh. BTW, totally for no reason, how’s Captain Sideburns handling this?
PTF Violet: Oh, you mean my backup plan? Look, I can trust you, right? Don’t tell anyone, but he asked if I wanted to go back to London with him — he’s been promised a fortune there!
Ozzy: How?
PTF Violet: LOL you think I asked? I’m a schemer, not a detective!

Upstairs, Brother Beecham corners Maya to ask how Chanchal is doing.

Maya: Uhhhh I don't know? She left last night.
Brother Beecham: WHAT?
Mom Beecham, overhearing: But she was so sick, where did she go?
Baadal, happened to be wandering through at the wrost possible moment again: I’m not saying! I’m taking this conflict to breakfast!
Ozzy and PTF Violet:

Two men, one with binoculars, peer out from behind some bushes

Mom Beecham: Did you say something mean to her? Pregnant women can’t handle that, son. Who’s gonna look after August now?
Baadal: She’s safe, and she’s recovering. Drop it.
Mom Beecham: Uh, no thanks; explain yourself.
Baadal: Kinda feels like that’s private, so instead of saying anything, I’m gonna go.
Brother Beecham: She was really sick yesterday; there might be problems.
Mom Beecham: Oh no! I’ll pray.
PTF Violet: Meh, might be a blessing in disguise.
Ozzy: WHAT?
PTF Violet: Well, Daniel is off the hook! And maybe he learned a lesson about premarital sex. Anyway, look who’s here — it’s Captain Sideburns!
Captain Sideburns: Yes, it’s me! Hi Ozzy. Here’s the update: no one can see JB, but Castillon says he’ll be safe. I think I’ll be able to influence the general.
Brother Beecham: I mean, yesterday he seemed to be enjoying specifically beating the crap out of YOU, Sideburns, so you might not have as much pull as you think.
Captain Sideburns: Look, I’m doing the best I can. We need JB back! In the meantime, want to go for a ride, PTF Violet?
PTF Violet:

A man says "uh ... Yes!"

Mom Beecham: That sucked, I’m gonna leave.
Ozzy: Hey, wait up! How long have those two been… an item?
Mom Beecham: Not long. She’s super afraid of being single, and once she realized JB only had eyes for you, she pivoted.
Ozzy: She told me Sideburns invited her to go back to England with her. But since he’s JB’s partner here, that seems weird, huh?
Mom Beecham: WTF? She never said that to me… man, I came here to chill out, not to get caught up with intrigue!

Thankfully, Brother Beecham and Ozzy don’t share that opinion, and immediately head upstairs to snoop around in Captain Sideburns' room. Now look, snooping is bad in real life, but it always pays dividends on TV, and this is no exception. They find a bunch of unpaid bills AND notes on JB’s background with The Company.

Back at Baadal’s childhood home, Chanchal is looking MUCH better. Baadal’s mom chalks it up to maternal love and food, which sounds about right TBH.

Chanchal: Well, you guys have been great, but I have to get back to work.
Baadal: Dude, you have to recover all the way! JB is still in jail, and August is taken care of.
Chanchal: I mean, I’m glad to hear it, but I miss him.
Baadal, internally: Ugh, the baby, or Brother Beecham?
Baadal’s mom, missing a BIG memo: AND, good news — there’s still hope that this baby will make it! Tell the dad, he’ll be thrilled!
Chanchal: Yay?

Slow zoom on a sad looking man, captioned "hello darkness my old friend" with musical notes

Back at the house, Ram Lal comes into the kitchen to bug Baadal about Chanchal’s whereabouts.

Baadal: Cool it, guy, she’s fine.
Ram Lal: Look, I’m in charge of August, so due to the transitive property, I’m also in charge of the nannies. Where is she? I have to bring her back.
Baadal: She has to get healthy, and then she can decide if she wants to come back; you can't make her!
Ram Lal: Yeah, and you can’t make her love you by hiding her!
Baadal: Hurtful. You can’t tell me what to do man — in the house, I am in charge!

Ram Lal isn’t gonna take that lying down, so he turns to his drinking buddy/gossip extraordinaire, Mool Chand. Unfortunately, Mool Chand doesn’t have any insights: Baadal is good at keeping his thoughts under wraps, after all. What does this weird squad need? How about a yoked white kid who everyone’s mad at! That’s right, Brother Beecham has entered the chat. Mool Chand pours him in.

Ram Lal: Hey look, this might not be strictly cool, but brothers shouldn’t fight like you two did yesterday.
Brother Beecham, pounding his shot: Nah, I deserved it. This day sucked, hit me again.
Mool Chand: Sure. Well, it’s nice that Ozzy is back, but she’s not eating. The only person who eats my food is that Captain Sideburns.
Ram Lal: How can he eat? His BFF is in jail!
Brother Beecham: Yeah, well, seems like JB has more enemies than we thought; even in this house.

At the fort, Ozzy meets with Castillon.

Castillon: Oh wow, fancy seeing you here, I thought you moved to Meerut!
Ozzy: Yeah, well I had to come back because my friend was in trouble!
Castillon: If you think JB is your friend, I’ve got a bridge to sell you.
Ozzy: He’s not with The Company! Why are you trying to make him pay for their nonsense?!
Castillon: I know he still works for them!
Ozzy: He doesn’t! We’re friends, why don’t you trust me?
Castillon: Oh, it’s like that? Friends don’t betray each other, Ozzy! Don’t pull that innocent act on me. He’s got someone helping him here in the palace, who is it?
Ozzy: JB is the one who was betrayed by YOUR accomplice!
Castillon: Whomst?
Ozzy: Captain Sideburns, and guess what, pal: he’s lying to you. He’s desperate, and has no money. If the truth comes out, you’re gonna look so dumb.
Castillon: Look, there’s more going on here than you know. If you don’t back off, someone who likes you less than I do is going to mess you up.

In the jail cell, JB puts together flashbacks of everything that's happened this season and finally realises that Captain Sideburns is a dirty lying scoundrel. Obviously for him this is a huge revelation, but come on man, some of us (me) have been predicting this for five episodes! Will JB figure out a way to get out of jail? Is Prince Akbar really going to help him? And what’s going on with Begum Samru? Only one way to find out, and that’s watching next week’s season finale!

Episode 1 Recap: License To Sell
Episode 2: Are YOU My Mother?
Episode 3: What A Girl Wants
Episode 4: Diamonds Are A Snake's Best Friend