Every season, the Drama After Dark team gathers ‘round the (currently virtual) conference room table to watch the latest and greatest in British dramas. This month, our colleagues at MASTERPIECE delivered a deluge of new dramas, including Miss Scarlet & The Duke, a feminist detective series set in Victorian London. I’m here to recap all the mysteries (and the romance) of the season as it happens (and we’re also covering the show on Drama After Dark!).
Our show begins, as all gritty Victorian series must, in the grim, grey, foggy streets of London. A small child dashes through a puddle, when through the mist she appears: the titular heroine of the piece, Miss Scarlet, the Victorian version of Veronica Mars. What’s she up to? Well, she’s meeting with the aforementioned child in a darkened building to investigate some kind of crime. For providing her with a scene and not calling the fuzz, she pays Not-Oliver-Twist and sends him on his way before beginning her investigation in earnest.
I’m not gonna lie to you, reader: Victoria Mars sure has brass ones, because this building is creepy as hell, and that’s before she gets to the dead body. Eerie firelight? Check. Gauzy draped fabric? Check. Overall Total Eclipse of The Heart vibes, despite the lack of a dancing high school wrestling team? Very much check. Fun(?) fact, for the well adjusted reader who isn’t obsessed with true crime: Miss Scarlet and the Duke is set in 1882, a few years before the infamous Jack the Ripper got his jollies by knifing sex workers in Whitechapel. But make no mistake: Victorian London was a real murderers' playground even before the Ripper made headlines. It’s probably not a coincidence that this murder is set up to be reminiscent of his handiwork.
Anyway, Victoria Mars is on the case. She starts to investigate the body, and finds a false eye that appears to belong to the victim. Apparently, Victoria Mars wants to look the thing over later, because she sticks it up her sleeve, and before we have time to be completely disgusted by THAT, the “dead body” wakes up and starts pummeling Victoria Mars for stealing.
Lucky for Victoria Mars, she can hold her own, which might partly be due to the “victim’s” interest in returning to her previous state of drunken stupor, allowing Victoria Mars to beat a hasty retreat, but not without telling Not-Oliver-Twist to only bring her a corpse next time, jeez.
Back at home, Victoria Mars heads into her parlour only to discover that she has surprise company; the very worst kind. This mother-son duo is here not to see her, but to speak with her papa, in private. Maybe it’s because I just finished recapping Pride & Prejudice, but this puts me in mind of an unwanted proposal. Victoria Mars isn’t about to deal with that, so she fobs them off, saying her dad is busy working.
Snooty Lady: You look messy, what’s wrong?
Victoria Mars: Nothing, I was just out for a walk.
Snooty: Well, the STREETS are DANGEROUS. You should only walk with a man who can protect you.
Snooty’s son, who I’ll be honest, does not appear to be such a man, tries to be polite, but is immediately overwhelmed by the sheer force of his mama’s personality.
Snooty, a perfect Victorian: The world is going to hell in a handbasket. Crime is up! Girls are riding around on those thingys, you know?
Snooty’s Weak-Willed Son: Bikes?
Snooty: Yes, bikes. It’s immoral!
Victoria Mars: Oh, absolutely, ladies should be ladylike. Tea?
A cheating poker player Victoria Mars is not, because as she reaches to pass Snooty tea, her sleeve rides up to reveal the pilfered eye, stuck to her wrist, which immediately tumbles onto the table. Victoria Mars, unphased, carries on as if nothing happened, so maybe she would be good at poker after all. Later, Snooty prepares to leave, and again invites herself and Weak-Willed Son over later in the week.
Snooty: And make sure your dad is available, Weak-Willie over here needs to talk to him, and then you!
Victoria Mars: Well, I’ll do what I can, but dads will be dads!
Snooty: Well, being a detective is a silly thing for a gentleman to do for a living. Bye!
Uninvited guests dispatched, Victoria Mars gets looked over by her housekeeper, Ivy.
Ivy: WTF, dude, why are you like this? If you’re gonna run around fighting sex workers you need to at least work on your inside defense.
Victoria Mars: Please don’t tell dad! If he can just see that I can handle myself he’ll let me join the family business!
Ivy: No he won’t, but keep dreaming sister!
Before they can really get into it, another maid arrives with the groceries and some bad news: she couldn’t get meat because the butcher says their accounts are overdue.
Victoria Mars: Whaaat? No way!
Ivy: Uh, well, we also need to pay a couple of other vendors.
So that’s fun! Victoria Mars heads out to deal with the issue, and to look for dad. First stop, the undertaker (which I guess makes sense if your job is to investigate death, but is also kind of a cheeky friendship to have, A+). He hasn't seen Papa Mars around, but a bunch of people died this week so he's been kinda busy.
Victoria Mars makes her way into her dad’s office and, like a good detective, starts rifling through his stuff in search of clues. She finds an empty liquor bottle (not great), a bunch of papers that might be bills (double not great), but no sign of the man himself (triple not great). Before we can spend too long ruminating on that, we head across town, where a well dressed, serious fellow is tidying up his beard. Could this be… The Duke? (Duh, it is: I’ve seen the show poster and have IMDb, but a little mystery keeps the romance between the reader and the recapper alive, don’t you think?). Mid-shave, he’s interrupted by an underling bearing news: Victoria Mars is here, and wants to talk to him, Duke Silver.
Duke Silver: Ugh, no, tell her I’m in a meeting.
Underling: She said you’d say that — she told me she’s going to wait outside your door. And she probably heard this conversation. Oop, she definitely did.
Victoria Mars, entering: Hey buddy, nice meeting.
Duke Silver: Hi, why are you here?
Victoria Mars: My dad didn’t come home last night.
Duke Silver: Well, he’s an adult, he’s allowed to do that, and he’s probably on a case. So, bye?
Victoria Mars: No.
Duke Silver: Ok, fine, I’ll bite. Don’t worry about him, he’s a trained officer of the law.
Victoria Mars: He’s a retired officer of the law, and he’s been spending all of his retirement-project income on booze.
Duke Silver: Ohhh, so you only care about the money?
Victoria Mars: We have mouths to feed, bro.
Duke Silver: Yes, and you’d rather not rely on your dad for that. I know you’ve been paying these wee Dickensian urchins to tell you about crime scenes! Detective work is for dudes!
Victoria Mars: And yet YOU do it?
Duke Silver: Rude AND toxic! Time for you to go, I’m very busy and important.
Victoria Mars: Well I’ll tell you what, looking at this crime scene photo I think you should look for a scorned woman, and I’m not just saying that to be ironic. See his feet? He’s got syphilis — the killer might be his mistress, but probably his wife. But… you probably already knew that. Bye!
Zinger delivered, Victoria Mars heads out. Duke Silver, who of course didn’t already know about the wife, sends Underling off to bring her in for questioning, annoyed. Back at home, Victoria Mars arrives to bad news. A doctor has found her dad collapsed on the street and brought him home, and Mr. Stark, he doesn’t look so good.
Victoria Mars: Thank you for bringing him home; he’s been drinking too much lately. Ivy, get him some coffee?
Doctor: Oh, he’s not drunk. He had a heart attack. I’m sorry, but he’s dead.
We all read the show synopsis, so we knew this was coming, but it’s still awful. Thankfully, Victoria Mars has a pretty good support network, including Duke Silver, who gives us the backstory that Papa Mars had been his police mentor and his friend.
Duke Silver, trying to be helpful: Look, I know your dad missed your mom very much. Maybe it will help you to think about them being together now?
Victoria Mars: Au contraire, mon frère: I miss my mother just as much, and now I get to miss him too? And be all alone? Bullsh*t.
Back at the house, Victoria Mars settles in for an afternoon of grieving when the maid enters: there’s a man here to see Papa Mars, and she wasn’t sure what to tell the guy. Victoria Mars tells her to send him in.
Victoria Mars: Hello stranger. You came to see my dad?
Grumpy Stranger: Well he’s the worst! He stood me up at the office too — I guess I’ll just have to find some OTHER detective.
Victoria Mars: OH. Well he’s working on a high profile case but uh… I can take your information and pass it along to him!
Grumpy Stranger: I’m not sure I'm comfortable talking about my business with a woman.
Victoria Mars: Well don’t worry your not-so-pretty little head about that, I’ll just take notes and tell my dad, you have my discretion.
Grumpy Stranger: Fine. Here’s the deal. I’m sick, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll make it. I want to be reunited with my niece. Her parents died, and I raised her — she wanted to marry some scrub and I said no, so she eloped, and I haven’t seen her since. I think she’s in soho, and I’m not sure how she’s making ends meet. Tell your dad to meet me tomorrow morning at my hotel with results. Bye!
With Grumpy Stranger’s info taken, it’s time for a flashback, feat. Papa Mars.
He sits across from a young Victoria Mars at the kitchen table, and pushes a jar towards her.
Papa Mars: See, it’s already waking up. What would have happened if we gave it more chloroform?
Victoria Mars: Well, it might have died or been paralyzed.
Papa Mars: Well done. And if a criminal was trying to be sneaky how would they do it?
Victoria Mars: Laudanum! It can knock someone out with a high enough dose.
Papa Mars: And if the goal is death?
Victoria Mars: Arsenic. Totally undetectable unless you know to do a test developed by Marsh in 1836.
Papa Mars: LOL, kid, you’re hilarious AND correct! Anyway, shall we name this frog after your teacher?
Flashback over, the Maid tries to get Victoria Mars to have dinner, but she’s not interested in food when a mystery beckons.
Victoria Mars: Get me a Lyft, will ya?
Maid: Uh, no? It’s getting dark and your reputation is on the line.
Victoria Mars:
Ivy, entering: So, I set the table but would you rather eat with us? Wait, why are you both being weird?
Maid, a snitch: She’s trying to go out after dark!
Ivy: Ugh, seriously? You’re going to go try and find that guy’s niece? Bad idea!
Victoria Mars: Well I would have said eavesdropping was a bad idea, but go off I guess. Sounds like I’ll have to get that rideshare for myself.
Ivy: This isn’t a cute time to focus on your professional growth dude, a man has died!
Victoria Mars: Yeah, exactly. People are going to start finding out, and then we’re going to have to pay our debts. If I don’t solve this one, we are financially screwed. And don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.
Bold words from a woman who stole a drunk gal’s eye and got beaten up in the process earlier, but Ivy has to trust her, and so do we. Off to the seedy side of town Victoria Mars trots, where she meets up with one of her Dickensian Urchin pals. Said Urchin has information: she should talk to the Padre, who knows everyone, and can help find Grumpy’s niece Clara. It turns out The Padre is a street preacher, and he doesn’t have much to say to Victoria Mars other than “trust Moses.” She thinks that’s not very helpful, and stalks off, but I’m just going to say now that I bet it’ll all come together later in the episode.
Victoria Mars heads into a bar/dance hall in search of her quarry, and instead, attracts the attention of a familiar looking woman with an eyepatch.
Wannabe Anne Bonny: Hey, don’t I know you?
Victoria Mars, lying badly: Uh… no?
Wannabe Anne Bonny: I think I do, I never forget a face.
Victoria Mars: Oho! Then take a gander at this pic, do you know her?
Wannabe Anne Bonny: No, but you should ask Moses.
Me:
Victoria Mars follows Wannabe Anne Bonny’s gaze upward to the, shall we say, administrative offices of the dance hall, where a man is rather aggressively stage managing the dancers. She follows him into his office despite his yell of “go away.”
Victoria Mars: You’re Moses, right? I’ve been hired to find one of your chorus girls.
Moses: Look, it’s my job to keep the girls safe from patrons who go too far, not to help some Uptown Girl playing Pinkerton.
Victoria Mars: So, you’re opposed to being paid for some basic info?
Moses: Pay me, and we’ll see.
Bad idea: Moses grabs her whole purse, which, duh Victoria Mars, stop flashing wads of cash around!
Our detective pal obviously tries to talk her way out of this scrape — can’t they come to an arrangement?
Moses: No thanks, you’re not my type.
Victoria Mars: First of all, rude, I’m adorable. Second of all, RUDE, I didn’t mean sex! But now that you mention it…
And this is when Victoria Mars gets interesting, because she gets all up in his personal space, pretends to seduce him, and then handcuffs him to a rail. Bravo, Mars, bravo. While he tries to escape, she quickly notices a bottle of turpentine on his mantle. What’s the big deal? Well turpentine turns out to be super flammable, so she straight up threatens to set him on fire unless he gives her her money back.
Moses: Fine, but just be aware that when I get out of these cuffs I’m gonna come kill you.
Victoria Mars: LOL as if, you’re a drunk, you won’t get off your butt to come after me.
Moses: Ok, I have to begrudgingly admit that you’re kinda fun.
Victoria Mars: Cool. Now tell me where Clara’s at or I’ll burn your whole building down.
As it happens, Clara is in the middle of being the target in a knife throwing act, and she doesn’t seem too happy about it (relatable!). When she tries to head backstage, she’s not too keen to talk to Victoria Mars, until the topic of Grumpy Uncle comes up. Victoria Mars fills her in.
Clara: So you’re a lady detective huh? Why do you want to do that?
Victoria Mars: Sick of being told what to do, that’s enough.
Clara:
Victoria Mars: Anyway, can I get you reunited with Grumpy Uncle?
Before Clara can answer, the conversation is rudely interrupted by a police raid. The vice squad is here to arrest all the dancers and check them for STIs. Clara quickly elbows the guy holding her and escapes, but Victoria Mars is too busy trying to ask to speak to someone’s manager to avoid arrest. Despite her repeated arguments that she’s not a sex worker, the cops bring her into an exam room and strap her down. Things are looking grim for our friend, but thankfully she’s quick thinking and not above playing dirty.
Victoria Mars: Listen up fives, a ten is speaking: I’m Duke Silver’s favorite sex worker, and if you even think about touching me, he’ll arrest you.
Well, that works, but not without consequences, i.e. getting made fun of by the man in question.
Duke Silver: So, one kiss when we were kids and you’re my favorite shag now?
Victoria Mars: Look, I had to say something.
Duke Silver: Well thanks for picking THAT, now they all think I have to pay for it!
Victoria Mars: They bought it pretty easily on their own, just saying.
Duke Silver: Look, clearly you’re not going to listen to me about staying out of trouble, ya stubborn mule. But you should. Anyway, would love to chat, but I gotta go do some whoring.
Victoria Mars: You’re a jerk.
Duke Silver: Sure, sure. Let’s go.
Victoria Mars: Anyway, we weren’t kids when we kissed, and you took advantage then just like you are right now!
Duke Silver: We were teenagers AND you started crying on me over your dead dog!
Victoria Mars: You were supposed to be looking after me.
Duke Silver: Well you liked the kiss, so.
Victoria Mars: I also slapped you. Wait, where are we going?
To the lockup, as it happens. Duke Silver, having correctly deduced that if he lets Victoria Mars out she’ll just head right back to the bad side of town, decides to lock her up for the night for her own good. The nerve, when instead he could have used those handcuffs in a more... private setting.
The next day, after going home to change into some non-jail clothes, Victoria Mars heads to Grumpy Uncle’s hotel to give him the update on Clara.
Grumpy Uncle: Oh, it’s you — that’s a surprise.
Victoria Mars: Yes, I know I said my dad would be here, but he’s almost done with that other case so he can focus solely on you.
Grumpy Uncle: Actually, I’m surprised because I found out your dad is dead. I can read the paper, you know. You lied, and the only reason I didn’t turn you in is because I’m assuming grief has addled your pretty lady-brain. Now excuse me, I’m off to meet with your rivals.
Victoria Mars: Them? They’re crooks — they charge a daily rate and they’ll ignore your case for at least a week.
Grumpy Uncle: Well you lied to me, so pot, kettle, ya know?
Victoria Mars: Your niece has different colored eyes. And she’s real cute, it’s almost like she could play a tortured Cornish governess!
Grumpy Uncle: Wait, you saw Clara??
Victoria Mars: Sure did. And I’ll tell you all about it if you’ll keep me on the case.
Grumpy Uncle: Where is she?
Victoria Mars: I can’t tell you!
Grumpy Uncle: That’s so mean, tell me!
Victoria Mars: Sure, I’m mean, but I have a business to run. You’re gonna pay me half now, and half on completion of the job. And btw, my fee just went up.
Money in hand, Victoria Mars heads across town to meet up with Clara.
Victoria Mars: Dude, can I just say, love your punch-first, ask-questions-later style.
Clara: Thanks. I’ve been mistaken for a sex worker in one of those raids before, I wasn’t about to let that happen again. Did you get out of there?
Victoria Mars: Sure did. Anyway, I think we can be on a first name basis after that, don’t you?
Clara: True. Anyway, I do want to see my uncle.
Victoria Mars: Great, but we need to get you into a different outfit first.
While Victoria Mars attacks Clara’s hair, the other woman explains that yes, annoyingly, her Grumpy Uncle was right: her husband was just after her money. But she can’t completely blame him, he had a tough life, having watched his first wife drown during the wreck of the Princess Alice, a massively deadly crash that’s still the worst of its kind in British history. Clara was drawn to him because of it; everyone loves a sad boi! Before we can dwell on this unexpected history lesson (and what is it with MASTERPIECE dramas and sinking ships? Looking at you, Downton Abbey!), there’s a knock at the door. Grumpy Uncle is here. But bad news, it’s not Grumpy Uncle, it’s the aforementioned gold digging husband, Bad Romance, who’s been masquerading as Grumpy Uncle this whole time!
Bad Romance, super-villain monologuing whilst removing his fake facial hair: Well well. Bad news, wifey, your uncle is dead. I just found out last week, it’s such a bummer you didn’t know. He’s got a huge estate, I’m gonna move in and take it.
Clara: That’s my inheritance!
Bad Romance: Oh, see, bad news: you’re gonna be busy being in an asylum; I got a doctor to agree to lock you up for “moral insanity.”
And before Victoria Mars can do anything to stop it, two big dudes walk in and drag Clara off.
Victoria Mars, yelling after her: I had no idea — I’ll get you out, don’t worry!
Bad Romance: Don’t make promises you can’t keep; only her husband can get her out, and guess what, that’s-a-me. Anyway, here’s your money, byeeee!
Back at home, Victoria Mars ruminates on her admittedly disastrous first case with a fun flashback to her youth, this time, featuring a confrontation with Papa Mars following a schoolyard fight.
Papa Mars: Look, the teacher said you started this… what happened?
Victoria Mars: One of the girls asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I said a cop like you. And then the other kid said I’d be nothing but a motherless pig.
Papa Mars, taking away the exact wrong lesson: This is all my fault, I shouldn’t have taught you this stuff: women don’t get to have agency! You’re not a kid anymore, the sooner you learn about how society works, the better. Your mom would want me to raise you properly. Now don’t cry, or no food.
Victoria Mars: LOL, sure dad, you always say that.
Bolstered by her flashback, Victoria Mars sets out to the police station to try and get some help from Duke Silver. She even admits she messed up, so you know she’s serious.
Duke Silver: I am so mad at you, dude. What you did is super dangerous; Bad Romance is a career criminal!
Victoria Mars: So arrest him! Someone like that shouldn’t be able to put his wife in the asylum.
Duke Silver: Yeah, but our laws are completely regressive, and he’s now a wealthy landowner, so he can do whatever he wants.
Victoria Mars: Can I just look at his file?
Duke Silver: NO! We got into this mess because of your meddling! Take your little lady-brain home!
Victoria Mars, turning on the waterworks: You’re right. My dad would be so disappointed.
Duke Silver: No, he’d just be worried about you, like I am.
Victoria Mars: I’m not feeling so great, can you get me some smelling salts?
And like a DOOFUS, he falls for it, and leaves her alone long enough to snatch the file and head to her dad’s office. Duke Silver follows pretty soon after, but she solves THAT by just not answering the door, and keeps perusing the file until she has an epiphany.
At Bad Romance’s hotel, he packs up his stuff and prepares to embark on a life of being a rich jackass, when someone enters his room.
Bad Romance: Uh, how did you get in here?
Victoria Mars: With a key, duh. A maid owed me a favor.
Bad Romance: I’ll tell the manager!
Victoria Mars: You can try, but since I caught him hitting on that maid the last time I was here, and told him I'd tell his wife about the affair if he didn't cooperate, I don’t think you’ll have much luck.
Bad Romance: Well, I’ve gotta jet, so bye.
Victoria Mars: Not so fast. You lied to Clara about your first wife… you weren’t on that boat with her when it sunk, you were in jail. And according to your records, you were still married when you left jail.
Bad Romance: So they’re bad at recordkeeping — you said it yourself, my first wife died in the crash.
Victoria Mars: Oh, sorry, but thanks for playing: she didn’t actually die. And I can prove it — check out this old newspaper clipping with a list of survivors, including your wife. You’re a bigamist, so you’re not actually married to Clara at all.
Bad Romance, ominously wrapping fabric around his hands for a garotte: Well, I’m assuming you ran off half-cocked and didn’t tell anyone about this, since no one takes women seriously.
Victoria Mars: Not so, I work closely with Duke Silver down at Scotland Yard, and he and his guys are down in reception.
Bad Romance: No police wagons for all these guys?
Victoria Mars: Didn’t want to worry the guests.
Bad Romance: See, I think you’re lying.
Victoria Mars: And I think you made a mistake deciding to try and strangle me, since you’re getting weaker by the second.
Bad Romance: What?
Victoria Mars: Well, the maid who gave me your key also let me make that coffee you just had. Enjoy Chekov’s laudanum, dumbass.
And with that, he stumbles, twitches, and falls over passed out, which turns out to be a good thing, because yeah, Duke Silver and the boys are definitely not downstairs. But they get there soon enough and arrest Bad Romance, while Victoria Mars looks on, delighted with a job well done. Not so happy? Duke Silver.
Duke Silver: Hey, so next time you steal evidence or poison someone I’m gonna arrest you. He was unconscious for an hour!
Victoria Mars: Yeah, which was good, since it took you so long to get here!
Duke Silver: Not cute. I have to get back to work.
Victoria Mars: Well, thank you.
Across town, Clara is freed from the asylum, and of course, Victoria Mars is there waiting to pick her up and take her to the train station, which leaves Victoria Mars coming home to dinner late, to Ivy’s pretend disapproval. Ivy also has news: Weak Willie is here to talk to her.
Ivy: Look, you should get married ASAP. Go say yes to that poor kid.
Victoria Mars: LOL, Weak Willie is the farthest thing from poor; his family owns the block.
Ivy: Uh, yeah buddy, exactly.
In the parlour, Victoria Mars very nicely greets poor, milquetoast Weak Wille, who almost immediately takes a knee.
Weak Willie: Miss Scarlet, I’ve come to ask you… to forgive me. I can’t ask you to marry me, and I know you’ll be disappointed, but it’s my MOM who wants me to marry you, not me.
Victoria Mars, internally:
Victoria Mars, out loud: Uh, well, while a proposal from a man like you was of course tempting…
Not So Weak Willie: Damn, this is what mom said. See, all the other ladies said no, but mom was sure you’d say yes given your situation.
Victoria Mars: My what now?
Not So Weak Willie: Uh, your complete lack of financial security? Please don’t be offended, it’s not a you thing, I just want to travel and see the world, and I’m not ready to be married!
Victoria Mars: Well that’s good, because I’m not either.
Not So Weak Willie: Ugh, my mom’s gonna be pissed.
Victoria Mars: Just tell her I turned you down.
Not So Weak Willie: You’d do that? For me?? That’s so nice!
Victoria Mars: I just wish I could watch her getting the news, LMAO.
Not So Weak Willie: Look, if there’s ever anything I can help you with, please ask. As you know, I’ve got a lot of cash.
Noted, Not-So-Weak-Willie. Noted. Victoria Mars takes him up on it and gets, essentially, a small business loan to spruce up her dad’s old office, which she shows off to Duke Silver.
Duke Silver: Well dang, good for you, I'd expect nothing less. I should get back to work, I have a ton of cases to solve.
Victoria Mars: Oh yeah, speaking of which… any news on that murder victim with syphilis from earlier?
Duke Silver, chagrined: Yup. It was the wife.
Victoria Mars: AHA so I was RIGHT.
Duke Silver: Yeah, yeah, I did miss the syphilis. But only because I hadn't looked at it too closely yet.
Victoria Mars: Well in that case, maybe I can help look some cases over again in the future?
Duke Silver: LOL, adorable. Bye.
He leaves, giving Victoria Mars a chance to have an imagined conversation with Papa Mars, where he gives her his ghost blessing. And that, as they say, is our show. What amature poisoning will Victoria Mars attempt next week? And speaking of chemistry, when is something gonna happen between her and Duke Silver? Only one way to find out, and that’s to watch episode two!
