As you may recall, last week’s episode ended with New Superintendent dropping a major ultimatum on our pal Duke Silver: take the Glasgow promotion or else. Well this week, both Duke Silver and Victoria Mars have to deal with the fallout from that, so they’re both practicing their “this is fine, great actually, I’m not super sad about it at all” speeches in their respective mirrors, when Victoria Mars is interrupted by a visitor: Detective Mustache.

Victoria Mars: It’s weird that you’re here; last time we talked you tried to blackmail me! What do you want?
Detective Mustache: The same thing as I wanted all the way back in Episode 4: for you to come work for me. And before you shoot me down, I have a new proposal.
Victoria Mars: I’m just gonna say no to that too, but go for it.
Detective Mustache: I have too many cases. You don’t have enough. I could hire you to take on my extra cases, and you would make SO much more money.
Victoria Mars: Yeah, but I would never work for you!
Detective Mustache: Except you already have! That adultery case last month was one of mine. I send people over your way any time they need a lady’s specific skill set. Did you not notice you’ve been super booked and busy lately?
Victoria Mars, miffed as hell: I don’t want or need your charity.
Detective Mustache: It wasn’t charity; I charged a finders fee. So… thoughts? And maybe take into account the whole thing where your friend over at Scotland Yard is leaving town imminently and taking your inside track with the cops with him. Sure, he’ll try and set you up as well as he can, but we both know how that’s gonna go. Look, this is weird for me: I’m used to bullying people into getting what I want, but for some reason you inspire me to be fair and honest or whatever. I could have kept throwing cases your way in secret, but I came here instead. So?

Interesting! Do I necessarily believe that this slimy goober actually changed his behavior in less than two hours of TV time? No! But is his suggestion practical? It sure is. Now of course, reader, you and I know our pal Duke Silver is unlikely to actually end up in Glasgow, but Victoria Mars doesn’t know that! She’s gotta take care of number 1: Ivy! Speaking of whom, after kicking Detective Mustache out of the house, Victoria Mars heads downstairs to talk to her bestie/surrogate mother about this whole situation.

Victoria Mars: That guy is the worst! I hate him!
Ivy: I mean, he’s offering you more cash for the same job, so…
Victoria Mars: You think I should work for him?
Ivy, classic mom vibes: I think you should find a nice man and get married, but this would also be fine.
Victoria Mars: Ugh, and of course I want to be successful! I wanted to expand the business, have a full time staff, all the good stuff.
Ivy: You want to be a manager?
Victoria Mars: Why not, we have a queen!
Ivy: Look, I know you’re very capable, but now might not be the time to swing for the fences, kid. Duke Silver’s leaving, and it’s obviously worrying you. I saw that little mirror pep talk earlier!

Speaking of Duke Silver, the man himself turns up before Victoria Mars can respond to Ivy’s advice. While they wait for dinner, Victoria Mars hands over a present: a bunch of hand embroidered handkerchiefs.

Duke Silver: Wow, thank you! I didn’t know you could sew…. And I’m now realizing that you definitely can’t, so please thank Ivy for me.
Victoria Mars: I did such a bad job on the first set that she took over. But it’s the thought that counts, right?
Duke Silver: Right. Anyway: prepared speech, let’s do this.
Victoria Mars: Let’s not, ok? I know you’re miserable about this whole thing, you don’t have to fake it. And I have a proposal.
Duke Silver: Do I need more booze for this?
Victoria Mars: Shush. I want to offer you a job.
Duke Silver: Are you kidding me?
Victoria Mars: I am dead serious.
Duke Silver: WOW. Just when I thought I was figuring you out. That’s a bonkers suggestion!
Victoria Mars: Is it?? I’m trying to help you! You don’t want to leave London!
Duke Silver: Yeah, but you’re the only one who knows that, so I would go from a DI to your… assistant?
Victoria Mars: Nooooo… I don’t know what we’d call it! I haven’t figured that out yet. But look, my business is up and running, and I have a good reputation.
Duke Silver: What, and I don’t?
Victoria Mars: Of course you do! That’s why this would be good for both of us.
Duke Silver: Once again you’ve made this all about you and your ambition. I’m going to leave before I say something I regret.

Classic: let’s pick a fight instead of admitting we’re both sad! Very mature, guys. Anyway, the next day, Duke Silver’s “packing” in his office, which actually means angrily chucking a certain packet of handkerchiefs into the trash, when New Superintendent and Baby Detective show up.

New Superintendent: Small talk?
Duke Silver: No thanks. What’s up?
New Superintendent: Fine. Unpleasable Commissioner is on his way, so I’ll keep it short: Baby Detective is taking the next case that comes in. Keep an eye on him while you’re still here.
Duke Silver: I hate this.
New Superintendent:

A woman yells "Who cares?! I don't care."

Do it. Bye!
Baby Detective: Hey, don’t be mad at him, this is my dad’s fault. Also, I’m sorry for being nosy but why are you leaving? I know it’s a promotion but you’re so good you’ll eventually get the same offer here!
Duke Silver: I don’t want to talk about it! Leave!

I get that he’s trying to protect his work son’s feelings, but be honest, dude! Baby Detective might be the key to getting you to stick around! Meanwhile, across town, Victoria Mars rolls up to the office to find Glasses out front. Did they arrange to meet? No, but Snooty is inside.

Victoria Mars: How?
Glasses: OH, you gave me a key, remember? To water your plants?
Victoria Mars: I don’t have plants.
Glasses: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Ok ok, I found Super Rooper’s spare and I took it. I needed a place to hide from my aunt.
Victoria Mars: Ugh, fine. Why is she here?

You guessed it: Snooty wants an approved list of men for Glasses, just as she did earlier in the season, and she’s starting to think Victoria Mars has been making all the files look bad on purpose for some reason?

A man sarcastically exclaims "what? no way!"

Snooty: Anyway, I have another, longer list. Find me a man!
Victoria Mars: Ugh, I can’t do this anymore. And look, Glasses isn’t going to say this, but I will: she’s an adult! She can make her own decisions, and she wants to marry for love.
Snooty: Dude, because of YOU, my precious baby boy has moved to GERMANY. You can’t make Glasses abandon me too; she’s gonna marry someone, move into my house, and give me grandchildren hopefully so I don’t have to die alone. Otherwise, I’ll be miserable!
Victoria Mars: You know, we’re both single; we have more in common than you might think.
Snooty, deciding to open up a bit: When my husband died, I had a few men ask me to marry them. But I had a kid, and a full life, so I said no: I didn’t want a man to tell me what to do again. But then I woke up one day and I was old, and lonely, and I regretted my decision. I can’t help but dwell on what things might have been.
Victoria Mars: Man, I get it. I turned down a hunky Scotsman not five episodes ago! But Glasses is such a sweetie, don’t you want her to be happy?
Snooty: So you’re not going to help me? Fine. I’ll find her a husband myself. You’re wrong, btw: we have nothing in common, because I’m filthy rich and you’re just a sad pauper without a 401k. Toodles!

And that, it appears, was the last straw that finally tipped Victoria Mars into the “go work with Detective Mustache” camp. Arriving outside his office, she agrees to take on one (1) case from him to test the waters, but with the provision that she gets to choose said case.

Detective Mustache: Cool. And you want 3 months up front, or at least that’s what my guy who followed you and heard you rehearsing your speech heard. He also heard that you’d take 2 if pressed so… deal? 2 months?
Victoria Mars: Yeah. Deal. And just so you know, I would have taken one month: I knew your guy was following me.

And then, reader, a very promising gloating session gets cut off quite viciously by gunshots. Detective Mustache gets shot at least twice, and both detectives hit the deck while their mysterious assailant runs off. Detective Mustache passes out on the street, but don’t worry: he’s mostly fine. I mean, shot three times in the leg, and waking up in a Victorian era hospital, but otherwise peachy.

Victoria Mars: I caught a bit of a look at the guy who shot you…
Detective Mustache: Me too. Tall. Green coat.
Victoria Mars: Do you know him?
Detective Mustache: No. Look, I’m in a LOT of pain, but I have a case for you: find out who did this to me. Money’s in the drawer.
Victoria Mars: Why not get your guys to do this?
Detective Mustache: They’re good at finding escaped prisoners, but I almost died. I need someone I can trust. A lot of people dislike me, but you’re the only one who says it to my face. Before he shot me, I saw that guy look at something in his hand… a picture.
Victoria Mars: A hired assassin?
Detective Mustache: Sounds like it. Find him.

But who, I can’t help but wonder, would want to kill Detective Mustache. Yes, he’s a bit sleezy, but that doesn’t usually inspire murder, ya know? Anyway, guess who’s also been assigned this case!

A small creature (Pikachu) wearing a deerstalker hat dances

No, it’s Baby Detective, and after he heard that Victoria Mars was at the shooting, he rushed right down to make sure she was ok. Aww! Duke Silver’s also there, obviously, and wanders in just in time to get an additional assurance from Victoria Mars, who is weirdly unruffled by both of these very nice and/or attractive guys caring about her, just saying.

Duke Silver: Anyway… here are the bullets. Old school, right?
Victoria Mars, sidling up: Wow, you’re telling me! They probably were fired from an old cap and ball revolver, right?
Duke Silver: Look, Baby Detective is in charge of this case, and it would be great if you could just stay out of his way and let him work? Kid, get those in a to go cup or something, I’m leaving.
Victoria Mars: Wow, you’re leading this one, that’s great!
Baby Detective: Yeah, I want to do a good job too so Duke Silver doesn’t have to worry about me when he leaves.
Victoria Mars, wrapping the bullets for him but sneakily keeping one for herself: You’ll do great!

Oh, Baby Detective, when will you learn not to ever trust Victoria Mars when she’s being helpful? Anyway, that evening, she pulls in Moses, asking him to help her track down the gun.

Moses: Sure. Tomorrow. I’m busy tonight.
Victoria Mars: What?? With what?
Moses: None of your business, that’s what.
Victoria Mars: One hour? Please?
Moses: Ugh, fine. And you saw the guy?
Victoria Mars: Yeah. Late 40s, looked at a picture before he fired.
Moses: An assassin with a super outdated gun? Suspicious. And probably ex-army. The guys who fought in Crimea came back stuck in their ways and dealing with some serious PTSD.
Victoria Mars: Know anyone like that?
Moses: No, but I know someone who will.

And with that, they head out to an absolutely bonkers pawn shop, where Victoria Mars enjoys a few minutes of an incredibly theatrical hard sell of various goods, including a scorpion venom poison that The Amazing Pawn Broker swears knocks someone out with two drops, before Moses pulls everyone back to the present by asking about the bullets.

The Amazing Pawn Broker: Oh yeah, I think I sold a box of those to someone a while back. He mentioned a bar he liked to hang out at too, but golly, I sure can’t remember the name.

Victoria Mars, naturally, hands over some coin, and promptly gets her answer. The next day, she loiters in an alley waiting for Moses to return from said bar.

Victoria Mars, rude: What took you so long??
Moses: I saw a guy who owed me money. And also got your gunman’s name, Impatient Irma: Issac Marshal. Ex-army; spent the last few years in jail, got released a few weeks ago, and here’s his address; it’s in The Rookery.
Victoria Mars: Oh. Good job. The Rookery? Shall we?
Moses: NO! Your hour was up three hours ago, and I need to leave.
Victoria Mars: Fine, I’ll go on my own.
Moses: Dude, The Rookery is one of the most violent slums we have, and we are in one of the worst eras in the history of this city, crime-wise. Get your cop to take you.
Victoria Mars: First of all, he’s not MY cop, and second of all, he’s not talking to me. I’m sure I’ve seen worse.
Moses: If you go there you will die. Full stop.
Victoria Mars: Then I guess it’s a good thing you’re coming with me!
Moses: I’M NOT!

Before we can find out if he caves and agrees to go on the most dangerous field trip ever, we head to Scotland Yard, where Duke Silver has just fished a certain box of embroidered handkerchiefs out of his trash can and packed them up.

Baby Detective: Hey, boss? I need some help on the Detective Mustache case.
Duke Silver: You’re the lead detective! If you need resources you’ve got a team to help you.
Baby Detective: They went to the bar.
Duke Silver: Then get them back! You’re their boss; you need to demand respect.
Baby Detective: Yes. Got it. How?

And lest you think Baby Detective is the most clueless person on this show, across town, Victoria Mars has ignored Moses and headed into The Rookery unescorted and all dressed up in her extremely fancy outfit. Unsurprisingly, within seconds someone has pulled a knife out and started closing in on our gal.

Victoria Mars: Back off. I’m working with Scotland Yard and there’s undercover cops ALL over the place.
Knife Guy: Yeah, ok, pull the other one.
Moses, appearing out of nowhere to save the day: Ugh, yes, I’m here. And Victoria Mars, don’t act like you knew I had your back, you almost just got fileted.

Scooting away from Knife Guy, Victoria Mars and Moses head inside to start tossing Assassin’s rooms. As always, Victoria Mars acts like nothing happened and focuses on the evidence, but Moses is pretty pissed.

Moses: That guy would have robbed and murdered you! You have to listen when I tell you stuff about your safety!

Victoria Mars seems to be on the verge of apologizing, but doesn’t get the chance, because Moses finds something that makes him call his friend by her first name: Assassin wasn’t aiming at Detective Mustache. The picture in his hand was Victoria Mars!

A woman says "Oh that is... that is bad news"

No time to process that: we head back to Scotland Yard where Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat has accosted Duke Silver outside the station. Why?

Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat: I have a problem with Victoria Mars. You know how I’m dating Ivy? Well I’ve been trying to be cool with Victoria Mars to keep Ivy happy, but she keeps trying to get into the mortuary! And as you know…
Duke Silver: Women are not allowed.
Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat: Exactly. So, I was hoping you could talk to her before you go; I hear she listens to you.
Duke Silver: LMAO, that’s hilarious. Anyway, I have to go get all of my coworkers out of the pub, so, bye.
Baby Detective, running outside: Uh, the ballistics report just came back: the bullet was almost certainly fired from an old navy-issue cap and ball gun. But that’s not why I’m here… the report only lists two bullets, so I’m pretty sure Victoria Mars took the third.
Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat: Huh. I mean, classic her, and I’m glad I’m not the only one she’s a jerk to, but you might also want to know that this morning I got a body in that’d been found in The Rookery with a very similar bullet found in his heart.

That IS interesting, so off to the morgue we all trot, so Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat can show the boys the body and confirm that the man was brought in wearing a green coat: we found our would-be assassin.

Baby Detective: Well, I think we found our would-be assassin.
Duke Silver: What else can you tell?
Baby Detective: His skin’s got a yellow tinge: so, jaundice, possibly a drinker?
Duke Silver: Good. And based on the file this guy just recently got out of jail, and his name is Issac Marshal. You’re in charge, Baby Detective: what’s next?
Baby Detective: To the records room! If he’s just been in jail we’ll have him on file and can look up his known associates.
Duke Silver, proud papa: Good thinking, detective. Once you’ve got a list of people to look into, call the men in for a meeting. Don’t ask them, order them.
Baby Detective: Huh, this is weird, the files are missing. But we have the carbon copies, at least. Here’s the prison record.

Reader, when Duke Silver opens that file his whole face falls in shock. Why? Well we might be about to find out: Moses, naturally, has secured the original file and brought it to Victoria Mars for a peep. As it happens, Assassin’s cellmate is familiar to us: the first ever person Victoria Mars put away all the way back in episode 1, Bad Romance. For those of us who need a refresher, this con man was just about to get away with stealing his wife’s massive fortune when Victoria Mars knocked him out with laudanum, and he did a year of hard labor in prison, so he’s probably extra salty now.

Victoria Mars: Wait, only a year?
Moses: Yeah, he got released last week.

Not great! Naturally, Duke Silver is also concerned about Bad Romance, so he and Baby Detective head right over to Victoria Mars’ office.

Duke Silver: She’s not here. Baby Detective, wait outside just in case she comes back.
Baby Detective: Uh, how am I supposed to lead the case from here?
Duke Silver: You aren’t. I’m in charge now. I don’t have time to hold your hand on something this important. Wait here.
Baby Detective, taking the worst opportunity to listen to his mentor’s guidance: No. You told me I have to put my foot down, so I am. Respect me!
Duke Silver: Oh, you want to listen to me? Then respect your superiors!
Baby Detective: Why do you even care? You’re going off to Scotland for your own selfish ambition!
Duke Silver, losing it and grabbing the kid by the collar: Do you know what? I’m not leaving of my own accord! I’m leaving because your dad needs someone to blame for your shortcomings and I was chosen. So stay here!

Ok, look, when I said Duke Silver should fill Baby Detective in, I didn’t mean like THAT. Whilst he storms off to terrorize someone else, Victoria Mars, holed up in Clementine’s room, looks through the files again. She’s not making a ton of progress when Moses shows up to tell everyone that Assassin is dead: shot through the heart, for missing Victoria Mars when he had the chance. Victoria Mars hands over a list of past aliases and addresses for Bad Romance, which Moses plans to telegram over to Duke Silver, after stopping in at Victoria Mars’ house to warn Ivy about the situation. He also sends Clementine over to Victoria Mars’ office just in case Duke Silver appears. Am I worried for literally everyone’s safety right now? Yes. Am I also excited for Baby Detective to meet Clementine?

A man grins and says "ooh, very much so."

Moses arrives at Victoria Mars’ house just in time to meet Duke Silver and Ivy outside, as the former escorts the latter into a cab.

Ivy: I’m not worried about me, is she ok?
Moses: Yes. I promise you.

Once Ivy’s in the cab, the two men check in. Did Duke Silver get that telegram? No, as a matter of fact, it was delivered to Baby Detective, who has decided to take his wee butt down to The Rookery to check out the possible address for Bad Romance. Alone. With no backup. Unfortunately, the lead was good, and having found Bad Romance, Baby Detective tells him to get down on the ground, pronto.

Bad Romance, who you may recall is an amazing actor, being a murderous con man and all: Oh, don’t you worry about me, I’m just a sweet old man, son!
Baby Detective: I’m not your son! My dad is Duke Silver! Get on the ground!

Unfortunately, Bad Romance would rather shoot Baby Detective, so he does. He’s taking aim a second time when Duke Silver arrives and opens fire, chasing Bad Romance off. Duke Silver stays to take care of Baby Detective, who thankfully seems like he’ll pull through (and he better, you hear me?) which unfortunately gives Bad Romance time to run straight to Victoria Mars’ office, where Clementine is waiting (again, nothing better happen to her, ok??).

Clementine: Who are you?
Bad Romance, again, is an excellent con man: I’m Duke Silver. I need to speak to Victoria Mars asap.

Clementine, who obviously has no reason to NOT believe him, tells the creep in question exactly where he can find Victoria Mars.

Bad Romance, arriving at Clementine’s place:

A woman says "I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me."

Anyway, you owe me an apology. You took all my money AND made me kill my old cell mate!
Victoria Mars: I didn’t make you kill anyone! You’re crazy!
Bad Romance: You would be too, have you SEEN the prison conditions around here? Anyway, I’m not an alcoholic like my friend so I’m for sure gonna kill you now.
Victoria Mars: Or… I have money. There’s a safe in my office with enough cash to get you out of England. And if you kill me you’ll never find the key.
Bad Romance, pointing the gun at her head: Tell me where it is! Oh, I just saw you look at your purse… this isn’t very much cash, dude.
Victoria Mars: That’s a month’s pay!
Bad Romance: You need to charge more. But I guess I’ll have free money. Ready to die?
Victoria Mars: Ugh, can I at least have a drink first? You can have one too.
Bad Romance: I know this is a trick but I’m not sure how…
Victoria Mars: I promise it’s not, I’m just thirsty and don’t want to die sober.
Bad Romance: Sure. I know you, and you LOVE to laudanum people.
Victoria Mars: Actually, I have a new trick now: it’s venom for a scorpion.
Bad Romance: But I didn’t drink anything?
Victoria Mars: You didn’t have to. It was on the cash. I put it on there just in case you found me somehow. Well, “somehow” is a bit of a misnomer: I told Clementine to send you here. She knows what Duke Silver looks like, you doofus: he’s arrested her before.

And, now that Victoria Mars has explained everything with the appropriate flair, Bad Romance falls over and passes out. Is the money still good? Who can say! But she’s alive, and gets to hang out with Moses and watch Bad Romance get dragged off to jail, so that’s the main thing.

Moses: You’re unhinged.
Victoria Mars: Thanks! What took you so long, btw?
Moses: Ivy’s mom talks even more than Ivy does.

LOL. Quip quipped, Moses says hi to Duke Silver and then bounces, leaving our two detectives to chat.

Victoria Mars: I’m so glad Baby Detective will be ok; he’s lucky you were there!
Duke SIlver: You know, I seem to recall telling you that the next time you poisoned someone I’d arrest you.
Victoria Mars: Hmmmm… I don’t remember that. When do you leave?
Duke SIlver: Tonight. I’m taking the 10pm train. You know, Scotland isn’t so far. And if I come visit I’ll see you first.
Victoria Mars, also falling into her prepared speech: Exactly, just a few hours by train. This isn’t goodbye.
Duke Silver: Just goodbye for now.

Guess what, I hate it! And I’m confused about HOW we’re getting out of this mess for next season. Also confusing? The next bit, where Glasses turns up at Victoria Mars’ office to tell her that she’s gotten engaged.

Victoria Mars:

A man sitting in a car exclaims "what?" out the open window.

Glasses: Oh, I haven’t met him. But his dad’s a viscount so Snooty is happy. She told me I can’t be choosy, and she’s right: what’s the point of waiting?
Victoria Mars: So you can find someone YOU choose?
Glasses: I’ve liked a lot of men over the years, and none of them have chosen me back. It’s fine, seriously. Snooty’s throwing me an engagement party tonight!
Victoria Mars: TONIGHT? Isn’t this rushed?
Glasses: Maybe she’s worried he’ll change his mind. Anyway, you’re coming, right?
Victoria Mars: Of course, but —
Glasses: Great. Bring Ivy, I need more friends there. Bye!

YIKES. Later, Victoria Mars heads over to the hospital to tell Detective Mustache about the case. He’s weirdly chill about everything, given that it’s technically her fault he got shot.

Detective Mustache: It’s cool, I always wanted a cane and now I have an excuse to use one. For a while at least.
Victoria Mars: Well, since Assassin was trying to shoot me, I came to return the fee.
Detective Mustache: Uh, isn’t that the money you poisoned? No thanks, you hold onto that. Call it a downpayment for the next case.
Victoria Mars: Ok. Then I’ll head out.
Detective Mustache: Thanks for coming to see me. Nice to know you care.

Not knowing what to say to THAT, Victoria Mars leaves. After all, she’s got a party to attend! Also, reader, I feel like you should know that Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat is there to escort Ivy and he did indeed finally have a chance to wear his fancy outfit. I know you were all worried about that. Anyway, Glasses runs over to talk to Victoria Mars, and to introduce her friend to her fiance, who seems nice enough but also speaks absolutely zero English, because he’s Dutch. Snooty soon arrives to drag her niece off to socialize, leaving Victoria Mars to stand in the corner looking cute and glum. Sure, our heroine is miserable, but there is a silver lining: Glasses actually seems to like and get along with her intended, despite the language barrier!

Back at the station, Duke Silver’s exit is interrupted by New Superintendent: Unpleasable Commissioner wants to see our friend. Now.

Unpleasable Commissioner: I gave you simple instructions. Make my son into a totally different person; how hard is that? And now he’s in the hospital!
Duke Silver, very very mad but tamping it down: He’s made progress. Slow, but it’s there.
Unpleasable Commissioner: He went off to catch an armed criminal by himself!
Duke Silver: Respectfully, that’s not my fault.
Unpleasable Commissioner: Then whose is it?
Duke Silver, thinks about it for a second and then decides to be honest: Yours. He wants to prove himself to you so much that he put himself in danger. That’s your fault. Bye!
Unpleasable Commissioner: Don’t “bye” me, I’ll charge you with dereliction of duty. New Superintendent, arrest him.
New Superintendent: Dude, let’s not do that…
Unpleasable Commissioner: I’ll replace you with someone who will, get to it!
Baby Detective, walking in: That’s enough. Duke Silver should be given an award, not punished. I discharged myself from the hospital to come speak to you, dad. Duke Silver is the finest officer on the force, and he’s the only one who hasn’t been completely awful to me. He won’t be forced from his job or face any charges. If he does, I quit.
Unpleasable Commissioner, trying to call his bluff: Fine. Quit.
Baby Detective: Great. But it won’t be just me. I put together a vote, and the result was unanimous. Either Duke Silver stays here, or literally everyone else is going to resign. Come on in, boys.

Duke Silver? Tearing up. Me, vibrating with excitement because I just LOVE collective action AND Baby Detective? Also tearing up. It’s a beautiful moment, and it’s even better because Unpleasable Commissioner is just such a horrible piece of crap. Anyway, it works, and Duke Silver heads right from Scotland Yard to Glasses’ party to try and talk to Victoria Mars. But guess what? She’s not there, because she went off to try and find him at Scotland Yard. It’s a real “Gift of the Magi” moment. Except neither of them know it, so instead of being all happy, Victoria Mars just rides to her office in a cab, by way of Duke Silver’s house, super bummed out. It’s at the office that she finally meets Duke Silver.

Victoria Mars: There’s something I have to tell you; something I should have told you earlier. Wait, hang on, why are you here?
Duke Silver: Change of plans. The commissioner decided I could keep my job. Long story, but I’m more interested in hearing what you were going to say.
Victoria Mars: You’re staying now, so what does it matter?
Duke SIlver: It matters to me.

He grabs her hand. He leans in. She’s about to say something. And then Ivy and Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat roll up in a cab to look for Victoria Mars, who, as far as Ivy knows, disappeared from a party. It’s only because I’ve cut my teeth on the most heinously interfering moment-ruining character ever to grace the screen (Aunt Pru in Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, obviously) that I didn’t throw my laptop across the room. RUDE. And even more rudely, Ivy then proceeds to drag everyone inside to continue the party, which, due to Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat, will include charades. The older couple snags Victoria Mars’ keys and heads inside.

Victoria Mars: Please tell me you’re coming too, I cannot do that solo.
Duke Silver: Tell me what you were going to say and I will.
Victoria Mars, heading inside: Now’s not the time. I’ll tell you tomorrow.
Duke Silver, following her: No you won’t.
Victoria Mars: No, I won’t.

RUDE. SO RUDE. But at least we know that they’re suffering almost as much as we are… at least WE don't have to play charades with Barney The Morgue Bureaucrat. Will we finally hear what Victoria Mars had to say next season? Will we get more of the developing bromance between Moses and Duke Silver? Will Glasses actually marry her Dutchman? Thankfully, reader, we don’t have long to wait: if you’re a GBH member, you can watch season three on Passport starting November 24 (that’s this week!) and everyone can watch on tv in early January. I’ll be back with season three recaps in the new year. Until then, readers!