For many, the month of December is full of social events. But if you’re feeling the urge to flake on a holiday party or family gathering, you may want to reconsider.
Rebecca Saxe, who teaches brain and cognitive sciences at MIT, told GBH’s Morning Edition there are many benefits of social connection.
“People who have community and social relationships have better physical and mental health. It actually helps with mortality. You live longer if you have strong social relationships,” Saxe said.
According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, social connection can reduce your risk of heart disease, stroke and dementia. It can also improve your ability to manage stress, eat healthy, and get better quality sleep.
Cultural shifts help explain why people seem more inclined to flake out on social plans. The Guardian and Business Insider both spoke with people who have noticed a rise in last-minute cancellations, which they attribute partly to financial strain, burnout and prioritizing self needs.
Saxe said the decision often comes down to two competing moral concerns: personal liberty and communal responsibility.
“We should be able to do what we want, we should able to act as we feel is right for ourselves,” she said. “On the other side is considerateness and care for other people, right? We want our actions not to harm other people or to impinge on social goods.”
Some people say they cancel plans because they feel they “don’t owe anyone anything,” but Saxe said that’s not really true.
“None of the things that are the structure of our society would be possible if we didn’t owe one another a lot. Our society functions because we do have duties to one another,” she said.
As society has evolved, the ways in which people connect have also changed. It used to be an unavoidable aspect of life.
“A hundred years ago, you didn’t really have to opt in to social interaction, right? Nobody’s houses were big enough, workplaces weren’t big enough. Basically, you had to see people all the time,” Saxe said. “And then through affluence and luxury, more and more people got to choose to be alone. But now, we’ve created a situation where if you don’t choose the uncomfortable thing of being around other people, you won’t.”
She said despite potential changes in social norms around “flaking,” people should remember the benefits of maintaining social relationships if they’re considering canceling plans.
Saxe co-authored a study about how people’s brains respond to periods of isolation. If the isolation is brief, people will crave connection — similar to what happens if you suddenly stop eating, then crave food.
“But that’s different from if it’s chronic,” she said. “The response to chronically not having social contact is that you actually crave it less.”
So whether it’s showing up to that Christmas party on your calendar, or getting lunch with your cousin who’s visiting from out of town — resisting the urge to flake may not just be good manners, but also good for your long-term health.
