The start of the new year has been full of heavy news, so it’s time for some much-needed joy.
This week’s Joy Beat is celebrating the nonprofit mentoring program Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Massachusetts. One listener explains why their work is especially timely: “January is National Mentoring Month, and this year in particular, there’ve been recent reports on a boys crisis happening, where boys and young men are feeling lonelier than ever. [Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Massachusetts] offers a chance outside the digital space to have real-life connections. I’m hoping you might consider having one of our mentoring matches to talk about the joy of youth mentoring, and not only the benefits to the youth, but also the adults who volunteer as their mentors.”
That nomination brings us to Terry McCarron, chief program officer at Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Massachusetts. Terry has dedicated more than two decades to the organization, and as a two-time volunteer mentor, he’s seen firsthand why showing up matters.
He joined GBH’s All Things Considered host Arun Rath for the Joy Beat to share more. What follows is a lightly edited transcript of their conversation.
Arun Rath: Let’s talk about the big picture, to start off. Some listeners are probably familiar with the Big Brothers Big Sisters program in general. Tell us what Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Massachusetts does. How do you define mentoring in real, day-to-day terms?
Terry McCarron: Big Brothers Big Sisters creates one-to-one mentoring relationships between youth and a caring adult. The goal is for that caring adult to just show up consistently. It’s not about fixing or rescuing a young person; it’s about having someone in your corner who listens and encourages you and helps you imagine what’s possible. At the end of the day, we want to protect and invest in a young person’s potential.
Rath: Take us back to when you first got involved. What motivated you?
McCarron: I was a high school teacher prior to working at Big Brothers Big Sisters, and I struggled with the fact that there were some students that — no matter how good your instruction was for the day — they weren’t going to learn. There were social and emotional determinants that were impacting their education.
When I left being a high school teacher, I wanted to find an opportunity where I could address challenges for young people in the social-emotional space so that they could thrive.
Rath: Brilliant. Talk about how you did that in your work.
McCarron: Big Brothers Big Sisters is a wonderful program. Early in my career, I spent over a decade meeting with guardians — usually a mother — and their child, exploring what their dreams and hopes were, and pairing them with a caring adult who wanted to help that young person become the best version of themselves. It’s such a hopeful, beautiful thing because it’s really centered around potential and what’s possible. We don’t have to redress or fix issues. It’s just about having fun, exploring, getting creative and having a positive experience.
One of the dominant themes we’re hearing from our young people is that they’re feeling lonely, and loneliness doesn’t mean not having access to people — they’re around a lot of people at school and other settings — but oftentimes, young people feel unseen.
A mentor is somebody who can give a young person that attention and care — again and again over time. That steady presence builds trust and belonging, which can be incredibly protective to a young person as they move through vulnerable parts of their development.
Rath: As we heard in that nomination, boys and young men are struggling with loneliness and pressure. When you’ve worked with individuals, how have you seen that? Have things changed with young boys, young men in particular, over the years?
McCarron: I think we have a growing consciousness about challenges related to boys. We’re acknowledging that young boys are struggling across the critical outcomes in their development. We’re seeing poor educational outcomes, greater involvement in the juvenile justice system, greater substance use, and things like that.
The way that’s manifested at Big Brothers Big Sisters is that we see a lot of requests for boys. Two out of every three requests for a mentor come from a household that needs an adult male in a boy’s life. Unfortunately, for a lot of our young people, they do have an absent male figure in the home, and we’re trying to directly solve that issue by putting an adult in that young person’s life.
Rath: In recent years, with social media, a lot of young men are turning to the internet to fill that gap, and there are — especially for young men — an awful lot of toxic influences there really to fill that gap.
McCarron: I think that’s very true. I think young people today face a lot of pressure to live up to an image that they consume online. It creates this sense of constant comparison to unrealistic examples of manhood. Those examples and that exposure are nonstop. You can get an endless amount of that in your algorithm, on your social media, and on YouTube.
Mentors can’t stop exposure to those things on social media, but a mentor can remove a child from that pressure for a period of time and give them a real, tangible, real-life example of what it’s like to be a man in the world and cope with the pressures that people are going to face in a tangible and thoughtful way.
Also, a mentor can expose a young person to new experiences that are not online and get them excited about things that are happening in our communities that are really positive and cut against some of the examples that they might be exposed to online.
Rath: Tell us about some of the young people you’ve seen and the impact you’ve seen while doing this over the years.
McCarron: You know, it’s funny that you asked that. I just heard from a young person yesterday, and they said something that’s really stuck with me. They said, “My mentor never gives up on me, even if I mess up.”
I was left with the thought that persistence always beats perfection, right? It doesn’t take being this kind of highly skilled or highly trained mentor. We just need people who are going to show up, be patient, persistent and stick around. By doing that, you’re sending a really powerful message to that young person.
I’ve had the benefit of having two amazing mentees that I’ve learned a lot from over the years. One of my mentoring relationships is over 20 years old now, and my second mentoring relationship is about 5-6 years in.
Rath: What’s it been like watching them over the years?
McCarron: I think what I would say about my mentoring relationships is that it’s easy, it’s accessible, and it’s a reflection of who my mentee is and who we are. We were matched really thoughtfully. We have a lot of similar interests; you know, we love to eat pizza, go out to eat, share stories, watch movies, listen to music, do something in the world of fitness, go to the gym. So it’s never really felt like work.
When I look back on my experiences, having been in the program for a long time, I’m filled with a lot of pride and a sense of accomplishment for having been in these relationships. I would say what a lot of mentors will say, which is that I’ve gotten a lot more from mentoring than I’ve given. Mentoring gave me an outlet to practice my beliefs, a sense of purpose, and a sense of connection across differences that I wasn’t getting in my life without Big Brothers Big Sisters.
You’re making me reflect that I’ve never told my mentees that part of the reason I’ve been able to stay in my role and stay motivated in doing what we’re doing for multiple decades is that they inspire me. They make me believe in the mission of Big Brothers Big Sisters, and it’s been really special to both go through it as a mentor and also as somebody who administers the program.
If people are interested in Big Brothers Big Sisters, please go to emassbigs.org to get involved.
If you’d like to make a nomination for the Joy Beat, leave us a voicemail at (617) 300-BEAT [2328].
