How many times has this happened to you? You’re having a conversation with someone, and they take out their phone, start scrolling or checking notifications, and suddenly, it seems like they’re no longer paying any attention to you.
It’s a problem that has become so common, there’s even a word for it: phubbing. It’s a portmanteau of phone and snubbing, and recent research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that nearly half of Americans in relationships say their partner has been distracted by their phone during a conversation, and over a third of people say they’re bothered by how much time their partner spends on their phone.
What is phubbing?
Kathryn Coduto, an assistant professor of media science and mass communication at Boston University, says there is a fine line between what phubbing is and is not. “Phubbing is not being in a conversation where you need to look something up. It’s not an expected use of the phone or an encouraged use of the phone. It’s 'I’m now paying attention to my phone instead of you.’ And this really bothers people because it feels like it takes away from the in-person interaction that you’re having. It’s a very visible cue that when you take out your phone, you’re no longer listening to or [are] interested in the person that you are with” Coduto says.
Who is most impacted?
While most research into the impacts of phubbing examine romantic relationships, Coduto says that it’s also become a problem for parent-child relationships and even regular friendships. In particular, women tend to be the most bothered by it. “If you’re in a heterosexual couple and your boyfriend pulls out his phone, women tend to take that a lot more personally. It tends to diminish their perceptions of the relationship” she says.
What can I do about phubbing?
Whether you’re being phubbed or you’re the phubber, Coduto says there are things you can do to lessen the impact that phones are having on personal connections. “One of the biggest things, which is of course obvious, is communicating about it. If you have a friend or a romantic partner or a parent who you feel like is particularly bad about this, where every notification they get, they have to check, The first step really is to just say, 'hey, this bothers me,' because for so many people, it really isn’t a conscious thing that they’re doing.
If you find it hard to pull yourself away from the phone, technology can be both a part of the problem AND the solution. ”People can really take advantage of the hardware itself to help with this. If you’re going to be spending time with someone and maybe they’ve said to you that you’re really bad about this, don’t be afraid to put your phone on silent or to silence even just certain social media notifications because different channels will have lots of push notifications about things that they might think are important, but maybe they aren’t [important] to you“ Coduto says.
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