Mark Herz: This is GBH’s Morning Edition. It’s the first Wednesday of the month, which means it’s time for Wake Up Well, the monthly mental health series brought to us by GBH’s Paris Alston. As the election results roll in, emotions are running high. How do you manage discussing the results with people around you? To find out, Paris spoke with Omar Ruiz, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Talk. Think. Thrive., a counseling service based in Wellesley. And a reminder that this is not a substitute for treatment.
Paris Alston: Omar, thank you so much for being here.
Omar Ruiz: Thank you so much for the invite.
Alston: So how have interpersonal relationships changed in our current political climate?
Ruiz: The way I see it, especially when I’m helping couples and families, is that there tends to be a divide as far as like opinions regarding their preferred candidates. And sometimes that creates a lot of distrust and shifts in values, especially with the holiday season coming up, where even if the couple or the family has shared ideas of who they support or which party they support, they still have to navigate the holiday seasons with visiting family members who may support the opposing party, which essentially speaks on the high levels of stress and anxiety that comes pre and post election.
Alston: And how can that show up in the mind and in the body?
Ruiz: As with any person who’s dealing with stress, a lot of it is an increase in heart rate, an increase maybe in a lot of ruminating thoughts. It’s natural for anyone to experience anxiety. It’s a form of survival. It’s preventing you from any sort of danger. But in the sense of thinking of the worst case scenario. So say, for instance, when it comes to the election, if one party wins over the other, people might go into some sort of panic of what’s going to happen. Is a war going to ensue? Are there going to be certain policies that are going to be in place that might create a change in that economic development of one’s town, city or location? Or is it just going to create some sort of continuous divide amongst peers and colleagues? And so it might showcase, as in just like thoughts racing, heart racing, maybe some sweating. Or just overall, just a constant worry and overwhelm of what could happen, even though none of us can tell what’s going to happen in the future.
Alston: And how do you manage those relationships with your peers and colleagues at a time like this, especially those who may have differing political opinions from you?
Ruiz: I think it’s understanding how to appropriately assess one’s own tolerance as far as being able to be in those sort of conversations with others, even when it comes to friends and families. Sometimes the notion of speaking about topics such as either religion or politics tends to be taboo simply because people are so passionate about their ideas and their beliefs that it’s hard to try to almost convince or even influence someone else to change their mindset or to see an opposite viewpoint. And so normally my recommendation is to, one, understand what is your limitation as far as what is your tolerance of staying within that discussion or conversation? And two, maybe those sort of discussions is not something up for discussion. Maybe it’s not something that you feel comfortable because maybe you value the relationship that you have with your friends and family so much that you wouldn’t want to destroy it simply because of an opposing perspective.
Alston: Lastly, Omar, we ask everyone we have on as part of this series to leave us with an affirmation related to the topic. What’s yours?
Ruiz: Hold on to the values and the beliefs that you have, because those are the things that are in your control.
Alston: Well, that is Omar Ruiz, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Talk. Think. Thrive., which is based in Wellesley. Omar, thank you so much.
Ruiz: Thank you so much.
Herz: That was GBH as Paris Alston bringing us the latest installment of Wake Up Well. For more about the series and a list of mental health resources, head to GBHnews.org/WakeUpWell. This is GBH News.
Emotions are running high after the election. How do you manage discussing the results with people around you, especially when you know you might disagree?
“There tends to be a divide as far as opinions regarding their preferred candidates” among couples and families, said Omar Ruiz, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Talk. Think. Thrive., a counseling service based in Wellesley.
Those disagreements can create distrust, he said — and having the election so close to the holiday season means family members who disagree might be in closer-than-usual proximity to one another.
People experiencing that stress might see it show up with racing heart rates, sweating, feelings of being overwhelmed, and ruminating thoughts — constant thinking of worst-case scenarios.
“People might go into some sort of panic of what’s going to happen,” Ruiz said. “Is a war going to ensue? Are there going to be certain policies that are going to be in place that might create a change in the economic development of one’s town, city or location? Or is it just going to create some sort of continuous divide amongst peers and colleagues?”
It’s important to remember that some anxiety is natural, he said.
“It’s a form of survival. It’s preventing you from any sort of danger,” Ruiz said. “None of us can tell what’s going to happen in the future.”
If the thought of talking about the election with family members or friends brings up anxiety that feels overwhelming, there are things people can try to do, like deciding which conversations are worth having.
“I think it’s understanding how to appropriately assess one’s own tolerance as far as being able to be in those sorts of conversations with others, even when it comes to friends and families,” Ruiz said. “Sometimes the notion of speaking about topics such as either religion or politics tends to be taboo simply because people are so passionate about their ideas and their beliefs that it’s hard to try to almost convince or even influence someone else to change their mindset or to see an opposite viewpoint.”
He usually suggests that people begin by assessing their own needs and wants.
“Understand what is your limitation as far as what is your tolerance of staying within that discussion or conversation?” Ruiz said. “Maybe those sorts of discussions are not something up for discussion. Maybe it’s not something that you feel comfortable [with] because maybe you value the relationship that you have with your friends and family so much that you wouldn’t want to destroy it simply because of an opposing perspective.”
He left us with an affirmation: “Hold on to the values and the beliefs that you have, because those are the things that are in your control.”
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