I didn’t think the second anniversary of the Boston marathon bombing could possibly be more powerful than the first one.
I was better prepared for the first anniversary. Prepared for the communal countdown to the month, the day, the moment when the black smoke filled the air and the blood streamed in the street. Prepared for the gut wrenching testimonies. Even as I was deeply moved by it all, I exhaled last year when the official ceremonies were over. I thought for sure the jagged edge of grief would never be as sharp as the primal pain of the first April 15th; I was sure that the emotional intensity would dissipate as the next anniversary approached.
What I didn’t anticipate was the emotional barrage that never let up. I didn’t anticipate being awash in a continuing stream of stories, tributes, and memories. When the second anniversary arrived last Wednesday it was a kind of capstone to ongoing grieving. And then suddenly survivors of the bombing were back at Fenway and Boylston street poles were wrapped with flowers and ribbons. And Boston was marking a new yearly remembrance, One Boston Day.
None of us could have predicted that the anniversary would be bookended by the trial of the admitted marathon bomber. The weeks leading up to Dzhokhar Tsarnaev ‘s trial captured local and national news headlines and thrust us all back to that day. The terror that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev wrought was once again front and center of our collective consciousness. In fact, the trial made us privy to new shocking and sickening details.
I’ve said before that the Tsarneav trial would not bring the emotional closure as many hoped for. Not even after the guilty verdict. Survivor Rebekah Gregory said it best, “We don’t have closure because there is no end to it.”
I’ve now learned from mental health experts that my expectation for time’s proverbial healing, is a false hope. “Time in and of itself, does not heal all wounds, author Karen Carney posted in her article “Grief, Healing and the One to Two Year Myth.” Carney adds, “There is no magic in the one to two year anniversary.”
Certainly no magic for me this year as the marathoners again run in the shadow of the bombing—one day before jurors begin deliberations on sentencing Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. This year—the group of runners include some bombing survivors and some spectators returning to scene for the first time. It’s a full circle moment for them acknowledging what happened but taking back the experience. The experts say that’s key to constructive grieving.
This morning the runners will race to the finish line passing the One Boston Day banners lining Boylston street. Imprinted on the banner, a simple logo-- a heart with the word Boston and two pathways representing the marathon route. Symbolic of the heart of this city and its people still standing with all who suffered. We can keep moving forward as the anniversaries come, even as we pledge never to forget.
