Upon realizing that Donald Trump would be the next president, did you pledge to fight him every inch of the way, until he’s charged with high crimes or even higher misdemeanors? Since that time, have you been marching, petitioning and phone banking, while sustained only by outrage and freeze-dried tofu?
It sounded like a good plan, but after Day 110 of the Trump administration and no resignation or indictment in sight, are you wondering when the bragging, the tweeting, the firings and the tweeting brags about firings will end?
If so, you may be suffering from RFS – Resistance Fatigue Syndrome.
RFS is hard to detect, but here are some warning signs:
· You cannot watch CNN without the assistance of a therapy dog.
· You’ve developed carpal tunnel syndrome from writing catchy slogans on protest signs.
· After watching President Trump touch the Western Wall, you secretly hoped the wall would secure the services of Gloria Allred.
· In your mad dash to sign countless online petitions for impeachment, saving Obamacare and demanding Betsy DeVos take the SATs, you inadvertently purchased a reverse a mortgage from a Nigerian prince.
· You’re absolutely positive the president is going to Italy to sign a licensing deal for the new Trump International Hotel™ Vatican.
· You’re having trouble finding a new job because your Linkedin profile includes a photo of you at a Trump rally wrestling with one of the President’s supporters.
· Last week, your psychotherapist said, “Enough about defunding the EPA budget. Can we get back to something happier, like your troubled childhood?”
· You’ve been asked to stop registering voters at family gatherings.
· Your personal ad says, “I’m looking for a Sally Yates type who likes smooth jazz and candle-lit travel ban protests.”
· You’ve suggested your company have "Take Your Special Prosecutor to Work Day".
· Every time you watch “Dancing with the Stars,” you wonder which contestant will be President Trump’s next cabinet nominee.
· You unfriended your best friend on Facebook because he didn’t “like” your “1001 Reasons to Support Joe Ossoff for Congress” post.
· You’re convinced President Trump has secretly entrusted daughter Tiffany with the nuclear launch codes.
There are no known cures for Resistance Fatigue Syndrome – at least any cure that will be covered under Trumpcare. However, if you think you’re suffering from RFS, the following steps may help:
· Go for a relaxing walk in a park, preferably without wearing a massive cartoon Trump head or dressed like a giant copy of the Constitution.
· Learn to pace yourself. Drop a penny in a jar every time you say “emoluments clause.”
· Find a hobby that doesn’t involve singing updated Woody Guthrie songs about orange-haired company bosses with short attention spans.
· Seek common ground with a Trump supporter. Start with an icebreaker like, “Your core beliefs disgust and appall me but I love you, Mom.”
If all else fails, consider a luxurious session in an isolation tank until the next election cycle.
Ben Alper has written for David Letterman and Jay Leno.