Transcript
>> HINOJOSA: Coming up on One on
One: National Public Radio host
Diane Rehm talks about growing
up Arab-American, her battle
with spasmodic dysphonia, and
the importance of finding her
voice.
>> REHM: I think there are those who
say, "You go, girl.
You hang in there and you keep
doing it because you represent
what all of us are."
>> HINOJOSA: Diane Rehm, it is
such an honor to have you on our
show.
>> REHM: And a real pleasure for me to
be here.
>> HINOJOSA: You have a way of
conducting your interviews that
is just so intimate, so special.
People probably hear you on
National Public Radio, on your
talk show, across the country.
And you've written a couple of
books now, several books, three
books.
>> REHM: Three books.
>> HINOJOSA: Finding My Voice,
which I just love as a title, is
your story of kind of how you
ended up where you are now.
>> REHM: It's a story of how I began
as the child of immigrants who
believed that young children
should be seen and not heard,
who should never ask, "Why?"
So the fact that I am doing
these daily interviews, Maria,
asking anybody and everybody...
>> HINOJOSA: Anything?
>> REHM: Anything, and why, is for me
the greatest pleasure and
freedom in the world.
>> HINOJOSA: And let's just
start off at the top, because
there might be some people who
have heard you on the air, and
they may say, "I know Diane
Rehm, but I'm not sure why
sometimes she sounds a little
bit different or a little bit
halting with her voice."
>> REHM: Or why she sounds as though
she's 105.
>> HINOJOSA: "And why is she on
the air sounding like this?"
>> REHM: "And why is she on the air?"
I began my career as a volunteer
at WAMU back in 1973.
By 1979, I had begun hosting the
daily morning show.
By 1998, I had begun to develop
a problem.
At first, my voice began to
wobble, so I went to doctor
after doctor, trying to find
out, "Why the wobble?" at
first.
>> HINOJOSA: Did you... was
there a part of you that was
like, "Oh, this is just nerves.
It's all in my head"?
>> REHM: Yeah, absolutely.
>> HINOJOSA: "The wobbling is
just because I get nervous
because I'm a woman and I always
am doubting myself and
questioning whether or not I can
do this"?
>> REHM: But there was part of me that
knew something was wrong.
So I went to doctor after
doctor, who proceeded to put
tube after tube down my throat,
and then who ended up saying
exactly as you've just said,
"It's all in your head."
>> HINOJOSA: Oh, my God.
>> REHM: "It's all in your head,
nothing to be done."
Until February 1998.
Maria, I don't want to frighten
you or your viewers, but this is
how I sounded:
(voice straining): I could
barely get a word out.
>> HINOJOSA: Oh, my God.
>> REHM: And on that last day in
February 1998, I did the show
and then I had to go downtown to
moderate a program at the Four
Seasons.
I raced back to the office and
to my boss, my manager, and I
said, "I'm out of here."
And he said, "What do you mean
you're out of here?"
And I said, "I've got to find
out what is the matter with my
voice."
And he said, "When will you be
back?
Fundraiser is next week."
>> HINOJOSA: (laughs)
"This is public radio, we need
you around for the fundraiser."
>> REHM: Exactly.
So I said, "I have no idea."
I sat at home for four months,
not speaking to a soul except my
husband, not answering a phone,
not going to a drugstore for a
prescription because I'd have to
say my own name.
It was terrifying.
Until one day, my internist
called my husband and said,
"Well, you have to take her to
Johns Hopkins.
We need to find out if she's got
throat cancer someone's missed,
Parkinson's, ALS."
In one hour at Johns Hopkins,
they diagnosed me with spasmodic
dysphonia, which is...
>> HINOJOSA: When you heard...
when they finally said, "Oh, we
actually have a diagnosis," was
that liberating?
Was it like, "Oh, my God"?
Or was it absolutely terrifying?
>> REHM: I had already suspected it.
I had begun doing my own
research.
And it seemed to me that what
was happening to me matched this
kind of problem, which begins in
the basal ganglia of the brain,
hits women 50 and over-- which
is right where I was, 50 and
over-- causes the vocal cords to
clench inappropriately.
There is no known cause, no
cure.
The only treatment at the time:
injections of Botox botulinum
toxin directly into the vocal
cords, which I had every four
months from 1998 until last
September.
And Maria, I am so glad to tell
you that I have begun working
via Skype with a voice coach in
Los Angeles.
>> HINOJOSA: Wow.
And it's making a big difference
for you?
>> REHM: It's making a huge
difference, and I haven't had a
Botox injection for awhile.
>> HINOJOSA: Wow,
congratulations.
>> REHM: Thank you.
>> HINOJOSA: So, what... you
know, one of the things, Diane,
that actually, in preparing for
this interview, I've spoken to
other people who listen to your
show, and you have so... you
have such a loyal fan base, and
I think, as you and I were
speaking, it's because you're so
intimate, you're so honest,
you're so authentic, you're so
real, you're so respectful.
>> REHM: Thank you.
>> HINOJOSA: And there are other
people who say, "You know what?
I love Diane, but I cannot
listen.
It is too difficult."
And what I find interesting is
when people say, "The fact that
Diane has..." and I don't know
how you want to call it, but "a
disability, and that she's on
the air and I have to listen to
it makes me realize that I
am vulnerable, too.
Anything could happen to me,
too.
There but for the grace of God
go I.
It could be me."
And the fact that you're there
and still doing it is hugely
important, but then at the same
time, kind of scary for people.
>> REHM: And the fact that NPR, that
Sirius satellite, that Armed
Forces Radio Network have
continued to carry me and to
expand coverage all over the
world says to me that...
and I totally understand the
vulnerability that my voice
makes people feel.
I understand that, but at the
same time, I think there are
those who say, "You go, girl.
You hang in there and you keep
doing it, because you represent
what all of us are," which is
human.
With frailty, with disability,
with problems.
With the reality that none of us
on-screen or behind the
microphone is perfect.
>> HINOJOSA: There is that image
though, you know.
If you're on-camera or behind a
microphone, somehow it's like,
"Oh, it's all perfect for you."
"It's all in your... you're
fine, you're invincible!"
>> REHM: "She has no problems."
>> HINOJOSA: "No problems
whatsoever."
>> REHM: "She is the height of
perfection, she makes all the
money in the world."
>> HINOJOSA: Yeah, in public
media.
>> REHM: Yeah, exactly.
"And she can choose her
clothes."
You know, it's fiction.
And that is...
>> HINOJOSA: Though you do look
fabulous, wonderful.
>> REHM: Thank you.
>> HINOJOSA: The clothes are
fabulous, so, you know?
>> REHM: But I choose carefully.
I am a person who loves clothes
more than food, so therefore I
choose very carefully what I eat
and what I choose in the way of
clothing.
>> HINOJOSA: Diane, there is
something that... I mean, again,
you are a hero to so many women
because, you know, you didn't go
to college, you didn't have a
kind of academic professional
upbringing, and yet, 37 years
old, at a time when other people
might be saying, you know, "What
are you doing starting a new
job?"
That's exactly when your career
basically takes off.
Where did you find it in
yourself to say, "I'm going to
be in Washington, D.C., this
powerful city where everybody is
educated from Harvard and Yale
and this and that, and I'm going
to do a talk show, I'm going to
take..."
Where did you find that kind of
"oomph" to do that?
>> REHM: Remember: I began as a
volunteer.
>> HINOJOSA: And everyone should
become a volunteer in public
radio?
>> REHM: Oh, I think it's a wonderful
apprenticeship, and my mentor
was my boss, but the first day I
got there, to the studio as a
volunteer, Susan Harmon, the
manager, was there at the door,
and she said, "Oh, you must be
Diane Rehm, the new volunteer."
And I said, "Yes."
And she said, "Well, I'm sorry
to tell you, the host is out
sick."
>> HINOJOSA: (laughs)
>> REHM: And so she said, "So I, Susan
Harmon, am going into the
studio, and I want you to come
with me."
I was on the air the first day.
>> HINOJOSA: Oh, the good old
days of public television...
public radio, public television.
>> REHM: Totally.
But I did not think the way you
are talking about it.
I only thought, "Here I am at
this academic institution, which
was the American University, and
thinking, "What am I doing
here?
What am I doing here?
I don't have a college
education.
They're going to find me out.
They're going to say, 'She
doesn't belong here.'"
>> HINOJOSA: "She's not one of
us."
>> REHM: So I worked harder than any
human being should.
But that's what we do in order
to make up for when we don't
believe in our own ability.
We just keep working and working
and working and working.
>> HINOJOSA: So I've talked
about the fact that you are very
revealing with your life, and
I'm hoping that, you know,
people will be inspired to read
more of your work because you
are so revealing.
But of course, the question that
I have, and this is coming from
someone who also wrote a memoir,
who was quite revealing, is:
Why?
Why do you want other people to
know?
And I do want to talk about what
your childhood was like, because
you were a little girl who had
to suffer through being silent,
being silenced, being punished
physically a lot.
But the thing that struck my
heart was your relationship with
your mom and feeling like
sometimes your mom didn't love
you.
And so I'm like, "Why?
There's a reason why Diane wants
us to know this."
>> REHM: Because in all of our lives,
there is something that drives
us, and we don't know what that
driving force is.
I think in my life it was, for
many years, because my mother
died when I was 19 and my father
died just 11 months later.
I had been married just before
she died, and married because
she was dying, to an Arab.
I am a first-generation Arab in
this country.
She wanted to see me married to
an Arab.
I married an Arab and two months
after I was married, she died.
>> HINOJOSA: Your mom... you
know, and I guess you want other
young women to say, "Look, even
if your mom doesn't show you
love and criticizes you and
maybe turns away..." what,
"plod forward"?
"It's okay"?
"There will be a hole in your
heart but, you know, it will
make you stronger"?
You know, the fact that you talk
about having the Arab immigrant
roots, that there is a real
strong sense of patriarchy and
men having power, I think...
I'm like, do you want young
immigrant women to be reading
this and saying, "Wow, I never
thought Diane Rehm was a
daughter of Arab immigrants, but
I'm going to learn from her"?
>> REHM: I think that writing Finding
My Voice, people have asked me,
"Was it catharsis?"
And my response is, no, it was
revelation.
It was revealing to myself who I
was, where I came from, what
influenced me growing up.
And the extraordinary part was
that finishing that book, Maria,
I began to realize how much
courage my mother had had, how
she had left her entire family
behind, whereas my father came
to this country surrounded by
sisters and brothers.
>> HINOJOSA: So it's like your
mom was maybe even a little
angry at even being here, having
to do this.
>> REHM: The flipside of anger is
depression, and I think both
were at work in her.
And there's one other factor,
which I didn't start thinking
about until after I finished the
book, which was, ours was the
only family of all his sisters
and brothers without a boy.
And I was the younger girl out
of two girls.
>> HINOJOSA: So they were all
expecting...
>> REHM: Who knows?
She would never talk about any
of that.
>> HINOJOSA: Because you
couldn't ask why.
>> REHM: Couldn't ask why.
>> HINOJOSA: That dynamic that
was set up as the daughter of
immigrants, you know, this
family dynamic, made you... and
you talk about this, again, in a
very, you know, intimate and
revealing fashion, which is you
talked a lot about never feeling
good enough.
>> REHM: Never.
>> HINOJOSA: And you know, how
many women do you run into who
are just like, "Oh, no, no, I
could never do that, I was never
smart enough," you know, "Oh, my
God, I've been so afraid."
But why, again, why do you want
other women-- I think you have a
real solid following in terms of
women and certainly men-- but
you want women to kind of look
at that, this whole notion of
never feeling good enough,
always feeling like you're
performing and someone's about
to find out the truth that you
don't really know anything about
what's going on.
>> REHM: I can't tell you how many
women and men have come up to me
and said, "You've written my
life story."
>> HINOJOSA: All this insecurity
going on.
>> REHM: Exactly.
There's one other factor: I am
74 years old, and the fact that
women begin hiding that age
factor-- from the time they are
25 on, they start shaving that
age factor.
And think about the number of
women, especially, who are
changing their faces for youth's
sake.
And I have always said to my
children, because my mother had
died at 49, when she was
beautiful, "I want my children
to see me grow old."
So I have never touched my face.
I have always talked about my
age and believe that talking
about our age is a freeing
factor.
And the fact that we pretend
that we are younger than we are
is giving in to that male
patriarchy.
>> HINOJOSA: Which means,
basically, that we don't
recognize the quality of the
life that we have led, right?
>> REHM: The value of the experience,
the weight of understanding.
>> HINOJOSA: The maturity.
>> REHM: The maturity.
>> HINOJOSA: I mean, getting
older... that is the one pretty
amazing thing about getting
older is that you do, in fact,
find your voice, and you do, in
fact, become a lot less fearful
about kind of owning your voice.
So before we go, because your
two other books are about two
other beings that are important
in your life.
>> REHM: Ah, yes.
>> HINOJOSA: And I love your
book Toward Commitment.
>> REHM: Thank you.
>> HINOJOSA: It's a very
intimate, again, revealing story
of love and staying married.
You are now... how many years
have you been married now?
>> REHM: Fifty-two.
>> HINOJOSA: 52 years of
marriage, a beautiful, beautiful
thing.
And about your little dog.
>> REHM: Oh, Maxie.
>> HINOJOSA: Maxie.
But we'll talk about the
marriage, because what... you
know, you have revealed that you
guys have struggled through
this.
>> REHM: Oh, you bet.
>> HINOJOSA: And you love each
other.
>> REHM: You bet.
>> HINOJOSA: When you talk
about the book Toward
Commitment, in fact it is
a book that you didn't write
on your own.
You wrote it with your husband.
Your husband, John, basically
had to say, "Okay, I'm going to
dive in.
You reveal things, Diane, but
I'm going to reveal things,
too."
And that... oh, my God, getting
your husband to agree to
co-write a book with you
about...
>> REHM: You know, he was more
in favor of doing it even
than I.
And the way we did it
was really extraordinary, Maria.
We each wrote our own essays on,
I think, 22 subjects.
And then, after they were
finished, we exchanged them and
then went up to our farm in
Pennsylvania and recorded our
dialogue on each of those
subjects.
And then I, as a former
secretary, transcribed those
dialogues.
We fought those same fights over
again in writing the book.
>> HINOJOSA: So do you think,
in some ways, that the process
of the book helped your marriage
become stronger?
>> REHM: It was glorious.
>> HINOJOSA: It's almost as if
you feel like you're saying to
people, "You know what?"
Not everybody can write a book
together, but the notion of
reading and responding to each
other's thoughts at work...
>> REHM: The notion of having a
dialogue about the kinds of
issues we raised in the book
before marriage, during
marriage, ten years into
marriage, 20 years into
marriage...
The problem is we don't
talk enough before about
money, about religion, about
sex, about children, all the
things that become so important
in marriage.
>> HINOJOSA: So you want
American couples, and, of
course, those you reach around
the world, to basically say,
"Listen, hunker down, hold on to
the love, but know that the hard
work of it is the essence."
>> REHM: And John and I are in a new
stage of that love, because John
now has Parkinson's disease, and
he has terrible back problems.
As we speak, there is a
caregiver with him.
He is still as lucid and as fun
to be with as ever.
But those of us who marry for a
second time-- as I did when I
married John, since my first
marriage to an Arab ended-- I
felt so strongly that whatever
it takes, I'm going to keep this
marriage going.
>> HINOJOSA: So Diane, at this
point in your life, you know,
you have confronted so much.
So tell us where you are.
Are you at a place of, "You know
what?
New challenges, every day's a
new situation and I'm just kind
of going to roll with this"?
Or is there a part of you that's
like, "You know what?
Maybe I need to wind down,
you know, take stock."
Or is it just like, "Hey, mid-
70s is all about the next big
thing"?
>> REHM: It's the latter.
>> HINOJOSA: Oh wow, okay.
>> REHM: It really is.
God has given me good health,
good strength.
My voice is still going.
I am still so interested in
what's happening in the world.
And I know that I'm going to
learn through what happens with
John, what happens with me in
the process.
I have the most wonderful
friends you can imagine, and
that circle of friends keeps me
strong.
So Maria, I'm not retiring, I'm
not looking for a new job, I'm
not backing away from the world.
I'm taking each day one step at
a time.
>> HINOJOSA: Well, I hope I'm
one of your new friends, Diane.
>> REHM: You are, you are!
>> HINOJOSA: Well, in that case,
thank you so much for spending
this time with us and with our
viewers and for all your great
work.
Thank you so much, Diane.
>> REHM: Thank you.
I've loved it.
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