By Jimmy Tingle
Dec. 31, 2010
The last week of the year brings countless "Year in Review" lists -- but this one is a little different. We asked local comedian and stand-up comic Jimmy Tingle to give us his own roundup of 2010's highlights. Here's what he chose:
Americans are living longer and healthier lives than ever before. They say that 60 years old is the new 40. I love that. 80 is the new 60. I love that. 100 is the new 80 and I love that, too.The afterlife is the new assisted living. So we all have that to look forward to!
In 2010, I celebrated my 30th year as a stand up comedian, which now qualifies me for my own PBS Special: “This Old Comic."
I knew it was going to be a tough year for the democrats when I was heckled by a homeless man while holding a Martha Coakley sign in Cambridge during last January's special Senate election. Who knew the homeless of Cambridge would swing Republican in 2010? Maybe it was the estate tax that brought them to the polls.
I have to admit now-Sen. Scott Brown ran a brilliant campaign. I’m Scott Brown and this is my truck, it’s got 200,000 miles on it. Brilliant, who can oppose a truck with 200,000 miles on it? This tactic could catch on with other politicians in the next presidential contest as well. Hi! I’m Mitt Romney this is my truck; it has 9 miles on it. I drove it from the dealership to the TV studio.
You know? Obama needs a truck, with a gun rack on the back.
The Republican strategy of 2010 was to try to block practically everything Obama wanted to pass including health care reform, financial regulation and the extension of unemployment benefits. Publicly, of course, they kept saying, “there is a window of opportunity” to work with the president.
But it seemed as though every time Barack Obama tried to climb through the “window of opportunity,” they’d circle the wagon. He’s climbing through the window, quick slam it shut.
Thankfully, several Republicans -- including our own Scott Brown -- did vote with the Democrats to pass the repeal of 'Don’t ask, don’t tell" and the START treaty.
Both pieces of legislation did have their detractors, of course. Some senators claimed a peace treaty should not be negotiated during the lame duck session so close to the holidays. Right. The last thing you want to do is reduce the threat of nuclear war right before celebrating the birth of Christ.
After the repeal of "Don't ask, don't tell" passed, some members of Congress and the Senate claimed openly gay people in the military could harm military readiness. Really, are gay people going to affect military readiness? Captain, I cannot shoot the Taliban, they are gorgeous!
The Supreme Court ruled this year that corporations have the same rights as people. Well, with rights come responsibilities. Which person at BP will accept responsibility and stand trial for manslaughter for the 11 people killed when the oil rig exploded? Which coal mine executive will accept responsibility and stand trial for the 29 miners who died in a West Virginia coal mine riddled with safety violations?
The Supreme Court also ruled that money is a form of free speech. Really? Well, if money is free speech than lack of money is lack of speech. Next April when government wants our tax dollars may I suggest we all write letters to Washington saying we’d love to pay you but to be perfectly honest we’re speechless?
It was a big year for changes in airport security. Am I the only one who likes the full body scanners at the airport? I think a lot more Americans will be getting in shape to travel. Marge what are you doing down here at Weight Watchers? Well, we’re going to Europe next summer and I want to look good when Jorge’ flashes my butt up on the Jumbo Tron.
It’s been a funny year, folks -- you couldn’t make this stuff up. Bring on 2011!
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